Mass Effect: Allegiance
by leonia42
Summary: After successfully stopping the Collectors just past the Omega-4 relay, Shepard and her crew are left in an uncertain state of limbo.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

After successfully stopping the Collectors just past the Omega-4 relay, Shepard and her crew were left in an uncertain state of limbo. Shepard refused to help the Illusive Man and Cerberus once she discovered why the Reapers were so interested in obtaining human genetic material. The risk of turning over Reaper technology to an organisation she already didn't trust was simply too high. Now Shepard's team has been cut off from Cerberus and all its resources while still maintaining control of the Normandy SR-2.

Even Cerberus Operative Miranda claims to be disconnected from the Illusive Man but very few crew members believe her and they treat her with outright suspicion and hostility. Shepard reminds her crew that they are now on their own with no support from Cerberus, the Alliance, or the Council and that she will not tolerate any in-fighting aboard the Normandy so long as she holds command. She gives each crew and squad-mate an opportunity to abandon the Normandy and its mission if they no longer feel comfortable with the state of things after the relay incident.

Since the entire crew had been kidnapped and imprisoned by the Collectors, they were entirely thankful to their commander for rescuing them. While they appreciated the gesture of her offer, they were unwilling to abandon her now after all they had been through together. The entire ordeal beyond the relay had solidified the commander's resolve to stop the Reapers and the fight had become a personal one for her and everyone who had been there. Even if the rest of the galaxy was unwilling to acknowledge the threat, the Normandy's crew stood absolutely by their commander and her mission.

The general mission of the Normandy had not changed; they were still tasked with gathering evidence of Collector or geth activity that may provide clues on the movements and plans of the Reapers who were quietly biding their time in dark space. The destruction of both Heretic Station and the Collector base beyond the relay had certainly diminished enemy activity across the entire galaxy. Shepard is not even convinced that the Reapers would continue to rely on their Collector and geth allies any longer given recent events.

But there is little else she can go on and even if she could find the Reapers or decipher their plans, she is only the commander of a single vessel without allies. This does not dissuade her, however, and she hopes that Normandy can gather enough data to prevent a future attack, no matter where it may take place. At the very least, they may be able to convince the Council and/or the Alliance to aide them if they can provide sufficient evidence that the Reapers exist at all.

It is an unsettling time of constant vigilance. Shepard is wary of Cerberus' plans and ambitions and fully expects them to try and regain control of the Normandy at any moment. Part of her wishes to rejoin the Alliance fleet but she cannot expect them to trust her after her tenure with Cerberus. She remembers too clearly how Commander Kaidan Alenko had reacted to her presence on the colony of Horizon because she kept Cerberus allies. She had tried to explain her predictament and claimed that she was only trying to stop the Reapers and not working for Cerberus at all but it hadn't been convincing enough. There was little chance that the rest of the Alliance would treat her any differently.

Her rank within the Alliance and standing as a Spectre for the Citadel Council hardly mean anything any more. All she can rely on is the crew of the Normandy though they are still recovering from the traumatic experience that they had all endured within the Collector base. Shepard has spent nearly every waking moment since escaping the Cerberus base that had rebuilt her with the Lazarus Project fighting battles and protecting those around her because it was the right thing to do. But without allies and support, who will try to protect her?

**Chapter 1**

Shepard watched as everything around her seemed to slow down. For a brief moment, time stood still. She saw Jacob and Garrus clear the large gap between the ledge and the Normandy with ease. The commander took a deep breath as she neared the ledge herself. Once she reached it, she pushed against it with all the strength she could muster. The platform began to crumble and fall away as she gained momentum. Hopefully it had been enough momentum propel her towards the ship.

She closed her eyes half-way through the jump and was mildly surprised to suddenly feel the hard steel of the Normandy's deck beneath her arms as she slammed into it. She had expected to keep flying onwards, as she had when the first Normandy had been destroyed beneath her by the Collectors. But she had been lucky. This time.

The commander opened her grey-blue eyes and saw Garrus' much darker teal ones looking at her with concern. He didn't hesitate and grabbed her arm the second she was within his reach.

"Shepard, I've got you," he said but she could not hear him over the Normandy's thrusters and the sound of Joker's gun as he took potshots at the Collectors who were determined to strike one final blow against the commander.

Garrus hauled the commander safely into the cargo bay of the ship with one swift movement and seconds after she was clear, the bay's doors slammed shut behind her. Shepard was a bit dazed from the effort, the adrenaline still pumping through her body at a rapid pace. She got to her feet as soon as she was able.

She could hear EDI's voice, warning about the impending detonation of the base below and Joker's frantic response. Without thinking she followed after Joker as he settled into the cockpit and pushed the Normandy's thrusters to their max. She watched as the Omega-4 relay came swiftly back into view and sighed the biggest possible sigh of relief once the Normandy had made the jump to the other side.

"Let's never do that again," Joker said in a shaking voice as the two of them looked out the viewport to see the familiar star patterns of the Omega system. It looked so peaceful and serene after what they had just witnessed. Shepard never thought she'd be so glad to see the Omega system but in spight of it all she just laughed at the contrast.

"Glad you're amused," Joker said slyly, though his voice was scratchy as if he had been yelling earlier.

Shepard collapsed in a chair next to the pilot and tried to control her thoughts. Her body was still shaking as the adrenaline began to fade and leave aching muscles behind.

"Tali." It was the first thing that came to the commander's mind. Joker looked over at her with a saddened expression.

"We recovered her body, if you were wondering.." he said quietly.

"I need to see her. I need to be sure," Shepard said with a hint of panic. Before Joker could say anything else, she had already left the cockpit and ran back towards the elevator to go down to the Engineering Deck. She wasn't sure where the leftover energy came from, her muscles were beginning to cramp terribly but she had to know Tali's fate. She just had to know.

The elevator's doors opened and she could see debris and mangled electronics throughout the Normandy's lower structure. It was an utter mess. And it was crowded. Many of the wounded crewmen were being treated by the medical staff and all of Shepard's squad-mates could be found catching their breath. Everyone looked reasonably shaken up and unwilling to meet Shepard's eyes.

The feeling of dread in the commander's stomach grew as she reached the spot where Tali's body lay motionless in her protective environment suit. It looked as if she were simply having a rest admist the chaos of what was going on around her. Doctor Chakwas shook her head before Shepard could say anything.

"No. It's not fair, after everything she went through. Her father's death and the trial..we finally had a fighting chance against geth and everything. She doesn't deserve this," Shepard said to nobody in particular. She looked over at Garrus who was standing close but hadn't said a word. Judging by the expression on his face, Shepard assumed it was the turian equivalent of showing sadness or even crying. She felt tears against her own cheeks then as the reality began to settle in.

"It's not fair," she said again in a whisper. She knelt down by Tali's body and wished she had known something, anything about quarian funeral rites then. But no more words came out, only tears. The last time she had cried had been on Akuze, several years ago when her whole unit had fallen to a thresher maw, leaving her behind to suffer the survivor's guilt. She didn't feel guilty at that moment but instead felt absolutely lost and disoriented.

Garrus knelt down beside the commander and wrapped an arm around her, still remaining silent. She turned to return the gesture and found herself crying audibly into his shoulder. He didn't mind. The pair of them had been Tali's closest friends since she had rejoined Shepard's crew. It felt like losing a family member more than a sister-in-arms.

"This is the Illusive Man's fault. All of it!" Shepard finally said loudly after the tears began to dry up.

"Now who is being unfair? Be reasonable, Shepard, we all knew the risks going into this mission," Miranda said coolly from across the room. She was leaning against a crate of supplies with her arms folded and gave the commander a disapproving glare.

"Be _reasonable_?" the woman pushed away from Garrus and made her way over to where Miranda stood. She stopped a few inches from Miranda's face, looking her directly in the eye. Their blue eyes met and it was hard to tell which pair of eyes looked colder between the two of them.

"Miranda. Don't." was all Garrus said. It was obvious to everyone aside from Miranda that Shepard was experiencing the first stage of grief and was likely not interested in hearing any of Miranda's rational dribble at that moment.

"The Illusive Man has been playing us this whole time. How is it not obvious by now? All he _ever _wanted was more Reaper technology and he didn't care how he got it. He put humanity at risk. He put all of _us_ at risk. He _murdered_ Tali, as far as I am concerned," Shepard shouted in the other human's face. Miranda didn't back down.

"A Collector shot Tali, not the Illusive Man-" Miranda began to explain but Shepard had lost what was left of her self-control and raised a fist in an attempt to deck the other woman for daring to defend her superior in front of her.

Jacob intervened then and grabbed Shepard by the elbow. Her elbow jerked back and knocked him hard in the nose and he backed off with a grunt. She didn't make another attempt to strike, instead she simply stared Miranda down for a few seconds.

Eventually she backed off and began to walk back towards the elevator, "I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind, for Tali's sake."

"Would not recommend, Shepard. Distraught and experiencing grief. Full of hormones and strong emotions. Not a good combination. May say something you regret," Mordin said with what should have sounded like concern to Shepard. But she was in a rage and didn't hear it quite that way.

"Stuff it," she said without even looking at the salarian.

Jack whistled, "Damn, she _is_ pissed."

Shepard ignored her and left the room. Too many thoughts were running through her mind. She didn't really want to talk to the Illusive Man. What she wanted was to shoot him cleanly between his creepy-looking eyes.

"Shepard, you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money," the Illusive Man said from the safety of his hiding place.

"I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you - I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line," Shepard retorted through the virtual communication device. If only he was really standing there in front of her instead of being so many lightyears away.

"Don't try my patience. The technology from that base could have secured humanity's dominance in the galaxy against the Reapers and beyond," the other human pointed out calmly.

"Human dominance? Or just Cerberus?" the commander asked icily.

"Strength for Cerberus is strength for every human. Cerberus _is_ humanity. I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions. Too idealistic from the start," the man sounded defeated. _Good, let him feel that way, _Shepard thought to herself.

"I'm not looking for your approval. Harbinger is coming and he won't be alone. Humanity needs a leader who is looking out for them. From now on, I'm doing things my way whether you agree or not," Shepard said pointedly, glaring at the other human through the communication device. She then turned away to turn the device off, having nothing left to say and feeling too angry to even look at the Illusive Man any more.

"Don't turn your back on me, Shepard! I made you, I brought you back from the dead," the man yelled, finally breaking his cool demeanour.

"Joker, lose this channel," Shepard said with finality and the device was instantly turned off from within the Normandy. Angrily she exited the conference room and refused to look back. She would have to have Joker and EDI severe the connection with the Illusive Man for good now; there was no point in having a direct connection any longer.


	2. Chapter 2

The door to Shepard's cabin beeped to alert her that someone had come up to bother her yet again. Couldn't she be left alone? She had done her part in helping with repairs around the ship for the day and thought she had made it clear after the evening meal that she didn't want to be disturbed until the next day's cycle had begun. Naturally, the entire crew hadn't gotten the message. It was probably just Doctor Chakwas or Kelly looking to gossip or checking to make sure Shepard was coping alright. Neither encounter possibility held any interest for the commander though. She would find her own way to handle the current state of affairs. 

"Who's there?" she asked the door reluctantly. 

"It's me, Shepard," came a familiar turian voice. There was only one turian aboard the Normandy so it wasn't particularly difficult to guess who it was. And though Shepard didn't want to be fussed over, she had felt a bit guilty for avoiding him over the last few days. Just because she was having a hard time dealing with matters didn't mean she had to push everyone aside. 

"Enter," she spoke the command that told the computer to unlock and open the door mechanism. 

She heard the door hiss open followed by the sound of a pair of footsteps but could not see him from where she sat. Normally she would have been sitting at her desk near the door or lying on the large bed just opposite from the entrance. Somehow she felt sitting on the lounge in a darkened corner suited her mood best just then. 

"Shepard? Where are you?" Garrus asked as he entered and took a quick glance about the commander's lavish quarters. 

"Over here," she said. She had been curled up on the lounge for the past hour. There was a datapad sitting on the coffee table nearby with a mug half-full of cold coffee-substitute next to it. But Shepard didn't seem interested in either of them. Instead she sat with her knees pulled up against her chest with her head buried in her hands. She had wanted to get up and grab a blanket despite the cabin's controlled temperature but had been simply too lazy to do so. 

Garrus poked his head around the divider that separated the office area from the small lounge area where Shepard had hid herself, "Oh there you are. I was just going to give you a report on how repairs were going-," he paused and noticed she hadn't looked up to acknowledge he was even there. "You probably don't want to listen all that now. Is something wrong?" 

She finally looked at him, her hair was a mess and her face looked a bit puffy as if she had been crying again. It was so unusual to see the tough woman who had saved the galaxy twice now appear so broken and vulnerable. Garrus was unsettled, not quite certain of how he ought to react. He wasn't even sure that she wanted him around since she had made it a point to be too busy to talk to him at any great length since the ending of their last mission. 

Shepard shrugged her shoulders but didn't move from where she was. Dismissively she said, "Nothing's wrong." But she paused right afterwards and thought for a second. There was no point in trying to be deceptive, especially when she knew that turians could interpret human body language just as well, if not sometimes better, than other humans, "Everything's wrong," she clarified. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently, still not sure of the best approach. He had seen Shepard in many moods before but never in one of sadness or depression and even had she been a turian he wouldn't have known the best way to comfort her. He just knew that he wanted to do something to make her feel better. 

"I don't know," she said with absolute honesty. "I just talked to the Migrant Fleet. We'll be taking Tali's body back to them as soon as we can get to the nearest relay. It was..so hard to tell them what happened. She doesn't have any family left but the entire fleet treats her like she is their child. They loved her immensely, especially after that trial business. I even told them about what happened at Heretic Station. I guess they'll want to know more about that when we arrive for the funeral," Shepard rambled on but could feel her throat tightening the more she talked. As she thought of Tali and the quarians, she could feel fresh tears forming and falling down her cheeks, quietly at first but eventually she got the accompanying sniffles that prevented her from saying much else. She really thought she had gotten a grip on her emotions earlier before Garrus had shown up but they felt just as raw then as they had before. 

The feeling of weakness and rampant emotions was absolutely foreign to the Earthborn commander who had overcome insurmountable odds and lost 50 men under her command at Akuze. She had been upset then as well but she hadn't been nearly as emotionally attached to those marines as she had been to the shy, tech-savvy quarian named Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. The quarian had helped Shepard destroy Saren and thwart the Reaper attack on the Citadel two years before and she had helped Shepard's team recently survive the Collectors base where another Reaper was being constructed. Her technical skills and upbeat personality were going to be missed for quite sometime. 

Shepard still felt ridiculous for showing her emotions so easily and felt embarrassed even in front of Garrus, who she trusted most of out of her entire crew. To reassure her, the turian sat quietly beside her on the lounge and brushed a few strands of her bright red hair out of her eyes. She tried to smile but the muscles just didn't want to do as she wished and she sniffled instead while he engulfed her with his longer arms. She leaned in against his tunic and sobbed for what felt like forever. In the cargo bay she had been reluctant to display affection or any emotion with so many eyes watching her. But here in her cabin, in the safety of Garrus' embrace, she felt more comfortable with expressing herself than ever before. 

After her sobbing had quieted down a bit, he said quietly, "You're not alone, commander. Everyone shares in your loss. Even Legion seems upset lately." 

She nodded her head slightly and rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, still letting Garrus hold her, "I'm glad you're here. There's so much to do and worry about now. If it was just Tali, I don't know if I'd be as stressed out. That sounds cruel. I mean, I am sad that she's gone but I'm also overwhelmed with other concerns now. I thought destroying the Collectors would have put an end to things but it seems all we managed to do was stir up a hornet's nest. 

I won't let Tali's sacrifice be in vain but.. what did we really accomplish there? All we managed to learn was why the Reapers were after human genetic material. That's all we have. We haven't stopped the Reapers plans for invasion in the slightest. And now Cerberus will be after us and possibly the Alliance. Who knows what the Council will think of me now and.." 

"You're worrying too much, Shepard," Garrus pointed out. 

"Am I? It just feels like the whole galaxy is sitting on my shoulders. And nobody even knows or cares what we've done," she sighed and glanced over at the datapad as it signalled that it had received a new message. 

"We all know what you've done and we'll support whatever you want to do next. Count on it. I'm sure we'll find another way to stop the Reapers. If they know what's best for them, they'll avoid fighting you again. I certainly wouldn't want to be on your bad side, Shepard. People on your bad side tend to die," he was trying to get her to smile, even a little bit but she was being more stubborn than usual. She gave a half-chuckle and hugged him for his efforts though. 

"Just don't tell anyone about how upset I am. Morale is already too low," she said. 

"Your secret is safe with me. Nobody else needs to know that the commander has a sensitive side," he gave her a half-smile and this time she did grin slightly. 

"Thanks, Garrus. I should.. probably just get some rest now," she said with a small yawn though she was still nuzzled comfortably against his torso and made no effort to move away. 

"That's probably a really good idea, actually. If you want I could talk to Mordin, maybe find you something that will help keep away any bad dreams?" he asked thoughtfully. 

"Not needed. You can stay the night here. If you want, I mean.. you're not obligated to or anything but for once in my life I don't want to be alone.." she sounded a bit awkward and unsure of herself but the words sort of came out before she had time to think about them. 

"Is that an order, commander?" he laughed. 

"That's a trick question. I thought only good turians followed orders?" 

"Come on, let's put you to bed then. You look like you're cold anyway and a good blanket will fix that up." 

"Amongst other things," she said suggestively though she sounded quite exhausted and eager for sleep. He got up and led her the short distance between the lounge and her own bed. Once suitably tucked in, Commander Shepard fell asleep within seconds of hitting her pillow. 


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard woke to alluring smell and sound of sizzling bacon. She could also make out the distinctive aromas of a blend of her favourite Arabic coffee mixed with the scent of runny eggs and browning hash-browns. She lifted her heavy head from the its overly large and fluffy pillow to see what all the culinary fuss was about. No longer was she in her cabin aboard the Normandy but instead she saw the layout of a comfortable-sized apartment. Everything was as it should have been.

Except for the turian cooking in the kitchen.

"Um, Garrus?"

"Yes, Leo?"

"When did you learn how to cook?"

"It's just one of my many amazingly awesome talents!"

"Is that real coffee in the coffee pot? Am I still asleep?"

"Of course it is, it's always real. And yes, you are still asleep."

"That's a relief.. hey what?"

Shepard stirred and awoke for real then, "Ah, damn it! I knew it was just a dream.." she said to nobody in particular as she began to rub the sleep out of her eyes. She glanced about and realised she was alone in the bed and proceeded to check the chrono on the omni-tool that sat on the night-stand near the bed.

"Shit," she muttered. The commander of the Normandy had managed to oversleep by 3 hours according to GMT, Earth-time. As Shepard tried to comprehend this, she noticed the omni-tool's interface blink to indicate that she had left herself some sort of message. When had she done that? Pushing the appropriate buttons brought up the message on the small holo-display:

_Didn't want to wake you; you needed the extra rest. Seemed to be enjoying whatever you were dreaming about, kept mumbling about something called bacon. No idea what that is. Anyway, hope you are feeling better today. Talk to you later!_

_Your vigilante,_

_Garrus_

She re-read the message again to make sure she hadn't overlooked anything and smiled at the thoughtfulness of it. How had he managed to put the message directly onto her personal omni-tool? _Oh, aren't you clever_, she thought to herself realising he must have rerouted the messages from her desk terminal to the mobile device. It would have taken a decent amount of effort to pull off such a small gesture. Shepard was mildly flattered and already felt better than she had the day before.

After a quick rinse, she made her way down to the Engineering Deck to see how the crew was doing and to offer a helping hand if they needed it. While walking down the flight of stairs that connected Engineering with the hangar and cargo bays below, the commander was nearly ran over by one of frantic engineers.

"Sorry, Commander. Didn't see you there, Gabby just sent me up to check the settings on one of the consoles," Kenneth Donnelly explained rapidly in his thick, Irish-accent. Shepard noticed he had referred to his partner-in-crime by her first name instead of by her rank.

Noticing his error, the engineer clarified, "I mean, Engineer Daniels. Sir, er, ma'am." He added a formal salute.

"At ease, Donnelly," Shepard said calmly. Though the Normandy had been a Cerberus vessel, most of its crew had served in the Alliance at one point in time or another and it was refreshing to see that some of their old habits remained. _At least Cerberus hasn't managed to corrupt basic military protocol_, she mused. "You seemed flustered. What's the state of things downstairs?"

"It's a mess," Kenneth reverted back to a casual tone, "Permission to speak frankly, ma'am?"

"Granted," Shepard said automatically. Usually Kenneth was very laid back and informal, but something had managed to rile him up a bit.

"XO Lawson is a total _bitch_," he said bluntly.

That was a bit more frank than the commander had expected. But of course, it made sense that Miranda would jump at the opportunity to fulfil her mostly figurative role as Executive Officer. She had always been eager to take charge when Shepard was pre-occupied.

Shepard crossed her arms and frowned a bit, "What's she doing now?"

"She thinks she's running the place. Telling everyone what to do. But she hasn't got a clue. All talk and no action. It wouldn't be so annoying if she wasn't getting in the way or insulting everyone. We're just trying to get the job done but she won't shut up," the engineer explained with exasperation.

"Great, this is what I get for sleeping-in," Shepard groaned. "I'll deal with it, Donnelly."

"Thanks Commander, much appreciated. Now I need to go get those read-outs before Gabby starts yelling at me too!" he hurried off back up the flight of stairs.

Shepard was relieved to go unnoticed as she approached the middle of the hangar bay. On an Alliance vessel everyone would have made a big fuss about the Commanding Officer being on deck and everyone would have stopped what they were doing just to acknowledge her. Thankfully not all of the usual military protocol was being respected, there wasn't much point to useless ceremony.

She got a good glimpse of how the situation was progressing. The majority of the injured crewmen had been moved from the makeshift medical post to the proper medical bay upstairs and about all that remained of the former site was the cryostasis chamber that contained Tali's preserved remains. The chamber was stashed away nonchalantly in a far off corner of the room, probably so nobody had to be reminded that it was there.

Most of the work in the room was being done by her squad-mates since so many of the crew had sustained injuries or various other traumas during their kidnapping by the Collectors. It was impressive to see how well everyone was working together, even without Shepard having to tell them what to do. They already knew what needed to be done and were busily ignoring whatever orders Miranda was throwing at them from the sidelines, much to the super-model's frustration it seemed.

The commander approached her executive officer and tapped her gently on the shoulder to get the other woman's attention. Miranda spun around and nearly yelled in Shepard's face before realising who was looking for her attention. She greeted her in an overly sardonic-fashion, "Good _afternoon_, Commander. About time you showed up. Where have you been?"

"There's no such thing as afternoon in space," the red-head said dismissively. While watching Garrus and Jacob welding a new sheet of plating to a damaged bulkhead in the distance she added simply, "I overslept."

"You _what_? That's not like you, Shepard. I'd expect that sort of slackness from Jack or even Jacob on occasion but not you. You have to lead through example, but I guess since the Collectors are gone it's OK to treat the Normandy like some sort of luxury cruise, isn't it?" Miranda was beginning to sound like one of Shepard's old drill sergeants from basic and that was certainly not working in her favour.

"Miranda, you need to calm down. I'm still the CO and in charge around here. If you've got a problem with that then that's just too bad. The Illusive Man isn't here to protect you or give you special privileges any more so stop acting like a spoiled-brat, would you? This isn't an Alliance or Cerberus vessel any more. The Normandy is _my_ ship and I've gone through hell and back to protect her and her crew. One cycle of extra sleep isn't enough ammunition for you to begin conspiring to take away my command. Not that they are even listening to your orders anyway," Shepard waved her hand to indicate the scene around them. Miranda knew she was right but she wouldn't meet the commander's piercing blue eyes or acknowledge her authority directly with words.

"It's just stressful, there's too much to do and we don't know what to expect next," the darker haired woman said.

In a softer tone, Shepard agreed, "That's true but we're all in this together. I know you're not exactly used to being a follower or a team-player but that doesn't mean you couldn't try a bit harder to work with everyone instead of against them."

"Perhaps," Miranda sighed. "I don't think anyone trusts me any more, Shepard. Maybe they never did, I guess it doesn't matter. Or it didn't used to matter. But things have changed. I've been completely cut off from Cerberus, whether you believe me or not. I..I just feel exposed, Shepard."

The honesty was surprising to hear. Shepard looked over at Miranda and put a hand firmly on her shoulder, "Don't worry, Miranda. If anyone bothers you about it, let me know. We've had our share of disagreements but I still respect you and the abilities you bring to the table. We need you. And you need us. I don't know what the future holds but I intend to confront it head-on. I hope you'll remain at my side through it."

"I will stick by you, Shepard, no matter what. You're all I have left now. For what it's worth.. I'm sorry. I only feel comfortable in situations I have control over, as you can imagine. But if you want me to back down a bit, I can do that. Just, don't make a habit of sleeping in unless you decide to change XOs. I still have standards to stick to, it's nothing personal," the former Cerberus-operative assured Shepard in the most sincere tone that she could muster without having to sound like some sort of insubordinate.

"I appreciate it, Miranda," Shepard gave her a half-smile.

Shepard watched the room a bit more to see if there was anything she could to assist her squad. Samara, the asari Justicar, was using her powerful biotic abilities to hold large materials in place with the occasional assistance from Jacob, the only human besides Donnelly and Daniels that appeared to be working, who seemed to be multi-tasking more than anyone else. Legion, the strange geth, was communicating directly with EDI, the ship's virtual intelligence, and fixing various wires and electronics around the deck. Thane, the drell assassin, was making the rounds with a datapad and categorising what supplies the ship had remaining and noting what they were running low on. Grunt, the genetically-engineered krogan, was helping with heavy lifting and moving objects around for Thane. Mordin, the salarian scientist, was no where to be seen but Shepard suspected he was helping Doctor Chakwas in med-bay or monitoring his sensitive experiments in his lab. Jack had taken to playing pranks on Miranda whenever the other woman let her guard down. It was definitely a diverse group of aliens and humans but Shepard had come to appreciate all of them and their talents.

Her eyes mostly lingered on where Garrus was working. The turian was one of the tallest members of the crew and one of the most skilled at working with his hands. Instead of his usual blue visor, he wore a pair of welding goggles that somehow managed to sit against his face plates as it would have on a human. He wasn't wearing the casual wear blue tunic that he had taken to wearing more often lately but instead wore the black jumpsuit that went under his heavy armour. Shepard supposed there weren't many clothes aboard the ship that would have fit the turian frame so he was probably more limited than most. He hadn't yet noticed her watching him work.

"Commander? Can you come up to CIC for a minute?" Joker's voice called out on the intercom just then.

"Yeah, what's up?" she inquired.

"EDI and I are trying to breakthrough all the Cerberus failsafes in her programming and while we were running diagnostics on all the ships systems.. it turns out our jump drive fried itself pretty good when we used the Omega-4 relay a few days ago. I think we're going to need more supplies than we have available and sooner than expected," the helmsman explained.

"So, basically we're stuck in the Omega system?" Shepard derived from the information.

"Not necessarily, we can discuss the particulars when you get up here," he responded.

"On my way," the commander said and made her way back to the Normandy's central elevator.

A few hours later, Shepard had her entire squad assembled in the conference-briefing room on the bridge. They were of course quite tired from repairing the Normandy's infrastructure but Shepard knew they would at least appreciate some sort of break that involved letting her do all the talking and planning for a bit.

"So you all know by now that the Normandy is rapidly running out of power for deep space travel and if we don't get things fully operational soon, even travel within the current star system will become difficult," she started. "We have enough rations and medical supplies for about a month but it won't do us any good if we can't actually go any where. Fuel is fairly low but we have enough to reach the refueling station near Omega station. The real difficulty is going to be finances, something none of us have had to worry about with Cerberus lining our pockets in the past.

Thankfully our single Kodiak shuttle was undamaged and we can at least use that to get by until the Normandy is in better shape but it can't go through relays and we can't spend forever sitting around Omega system.

We've got enough resources to trade locally for the things we need, so that will help in the short-term. There's enough plating and tools to repair all the holes at least and thanks to the upgrades we made earlier, our shield and weaponry integrity is still at top performance.

The major problem is the jump drive. It can be fixed but it's going to take a lot of time to gather the parts needed. Our stealth system is also offline at the moment so we're more vulnerable than usual.

EDI and Joker have hacked through all the firewalls in the computers so we have absolute control over the ship and the chances of Cerberus tracking us are nearly 0%. I wish it was better than that but we can't account for all of their tricks with the information we currently have.

Legion's hardware has also been integrated and we have a lot more at our disposal now than ever before. Too bad we're basically sitting ducks at the moment. What we have currently isn't sustainable. We need to get used to relying on ourselves for now on. There's no more Cerberus and their fancy vehicles.."

Everyone knew she was referring to the incredibly inefficient Cerberus experiment that was known as the Hammerhead tank with the last comment and a few cheers went up around the room to applaud its untimely demise during the Collector attack. Much of the plating use to repair the Normandy's hull had been salvaged from the clunky vehicle that had served no purpose before aside from taking up valuable cargo space.

".. Ideally I want to get my hands on some Alliance equipment. A Mako would be nice to have again. We could use some uniforms that don't have the Cerberus logo all over them. New armour, weapons, general clothing. We have a hefty supply of funds but we need to be diligent with how we spend it because who knows how we'll get by in the future. We're not a mercenary or pirate gang and we don't belong to any military. We have to get by some other way." She paused for a moment to let all the information sink in but suspected most of them already were aware of the current state of things and didn't need to hear a thorough analysis.

Jack raised her hand as if she were in school seeking the teacher's attention.

"Yes, Jack?"

"You have a plan, right, Shepard? I mean Omega system is kinda lame, couldn't we have at least gotten stuck some where more interesting?"

"I have a short-term plan that involves taking a squad down to Omega station and, hopefully, striking a friendly deal with Aria T'Loak. But in terms of a long-term plan? No, that's what I need your guys' help with," Shepard said as honestly as she could. The situation was just as foreign to her as it was to everyone else.

"We can work on that over time though, the first priority is to make sure we have everything we need and can get the jump drive going as soon as possible," Thane pointed out logically.

"Right, exactly. So who wants to come with me to Omega Station?" Shepard leaned against the large desk in the middle of the room, expecting very few to have any interest whatsoever.

"Shit, I'll go, I'm dying to get off this ship for awhile," Jack spoke up first.

"I've got the most understanding about what materials and supplies we need to acquire based on the inventories I've taken in the last few days so would make sense for me to go as well," Thane added quietly. Shepard couldn't tell if he actually wanted to go or not but his reasoning was sound.

"I'm not going down there unless you order me to," Jacob said stubbornly. "Omega smells funny."

"You're such a child, Jacob," Miranda patronised him but didn't make much of an effort to express her own willingness to go to the crime-laden capital of the system either.

Nobody spoke up for awhile but eventually Garrus offered, "I'll go, Shepard."

"OK, so a team of four sounds alright, better than me going on my own. We'll prep the shuttle in the next hour or so. I'm not docking the Normandy there with its current state of repair. No sense in making us even more stationary and vulnerable than we already are. You all have enough time to catch a meal and suit up. Never can be too careful down there. Any questions?"

"Who's in charge while you're gone?" Jacob asked, Miranda made an audible snorting noise beside him.

"Well, who do you _think_, Mr. Ex-Alliance? Clearly the XO is in charge when the CO is on shore-duty," she said matter-of-factly.

"Given that we're not _on_ a military vessel, I thought it best to clarify. The commander _did_ offer to take questions. Or were you not listening over the sound of your own ego?" he responded irritably.

"She didn't say anything about asking _stupid _questions," Miranda scoffed.

"Cut it out you two," Shepard warned. "My patience is thin enough today. I'm putting Jacob in charge while I'm away."

Jacob crossed his arms and probably would have stuck his tongue out at Miranda had Shepard not been in the room as well. He gave his former colleague a rather smug look which prompted her to jump to her feet and slam her fists rashly against the conference table.

"Jacob has very little experience in leadership. I have been genetically tailored to be the best at everything. How can you choose him over me?" she raised her voice and the rest of the squad looked uncomfortable at witnessing her outburst.

"It's not like I'll be many lightyears away, Miranda, he's not leading the Normandy into some dangerous unknown or anything. Frankly, your obsession with being XO is the very reason I don't want you to be my second right now. I never put you in that position to begin with. The Illusive Man just wanted you to be actively involved in the running of the ship. Times are changing, either you can adapt or you can get left behind," Shepard said sternly, her own voice raising a bit more than she would have preferred.

"Oh well, if you're just giving everyone a turn to be XO then. I'm guessing the turian is next, right?" she said bitterly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Garrus looked right at her and Miranda realised then what a fool she was making of herself in front of everyone. But that didn't stop her from pressing on.

"Damn, Miranda, why don't you just tell us how you _really_ feel about things?" Jacob added coolly.

"Is that really necessary?" Shepard sighed, running a hand through her messy hair. Civil disputes were not her area of expertise. Why was everyone so tense about the leadership issue lately? "My decision is already made. We can talk more about this later. I do not want to hear about any more fires flaring up between squad-mates when I get back from Omega. Are we _all_ clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," everyone acknowledged the command.

"Dismissed," she said with finality and everyone scrambled to leave the tense atmosphere of the room. Shepard didn't even look at Miranda or Jacob as she went back to her quarters to get a moment of down time before the new mission.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard always felt more at ease with her black N7 combat suit wrapped firmly around her body. She hadn't bothered to don a helmet, knowing that the kinetic shields covering her torso would extend halfway up her neck anyway. Besides, if someone took aim at your head, you were usually dead anyway, regardless of what sort of barriers shielded your skull. Most individuals took you more seriously if you were brave enough to show your face and let your hair down a bit and that would prove incredibly useful when dealing with Aria and anyone else on the station.

With a heavy M-9 Tempest SMG in its holster on one leg and a M-6 Carnifex heavy pistol secured on the other, the commander was ready for whatever action Omega had to throw at her. The pistol was a back-up weapon that she rarely found herself relying on but it did come in handy from time to time. Her favourite shotgun, a krogan-modified M-300 Claymore, sat in a clip attached to her belt that held it in place at the small of her back. The weapon was often seen resting firmly in the commander's arms when she had need of it. If the mission warranted it, she would also have a heavier weapon like the Arc Projector slung over her shoulder in a back holster but she preferred to go without the extra weight if it wasn't needed. Shepard's combat style meant she was often on the frontline in the thick of a firefight and she had little use for long-range weaponry.

In addition to the weapons she preferred most, Shepard was also equipped with a L5 biotic amp. She had been born as a biotic but had not been trained properly until she joined the Alliance military at age 18. At age 32, she still found the powers to be a drain on her mental and physical capacities. She would only resort to biotic abilities if she was out of other options or if she was engaging the enemy head-on (usually in the form of a strong biotic charge attack that allowed her to close the gap between a far away opponent within a fraction of a second). Most people didn't even realise she was biotic because she didn't flaunt her abilities like so many others. Outside of combat, she had great difficulty levitating objects or manipulating matter in any shape or form.

Though the chances of combat action on Omega were low, it never hurt to be well-prepared. Shepard wasn't sure if that was her personal experience talking or a habit she had developed from all her years spent in the military. A small piece of her wanted to fight someone, anyone who was willing to say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone of voice with her, just so she could have a legitimate excuse for dumping out all the pinned up emotions that had crept up on her over the last few days onto some other unfortunate soul. It wouldn't take much to set her off and she knew it though she tried not to show her instability in front of her fellow squad-mates.

Along with all of the weaponry and armour covering her from foot to shoulder in defences, Shepard's mind was set adamantly to "mission mode". This was a state-of-mind that most of her squad-mates had quickly adjusted to. They knew Shepard was generally a stoic and passive individual on the surface who would act with the utmost professionalism and business-like tone possible unless someone really got under her skin. Generally she acted with a quiet, cool confidence but her temper could be severe if she felt threatened or challenged. If Shepard was starting to use heavy sarcasm or razor-sharp wit in a conversation, those were signs everyone on her team took note of. It usually meant that things were about to escalate rapidly into violence or similar acts of aggression unless her victim was willing to back down immediately.

She employed strategy and tactics even with the most innocent-sounding of conversations with strangers, always planning to be ready for an attack. As long as Shepard was suited-up, everything she encountered was a potential battlefield that needed to be carefully manoeuvred and utilised to her advantage in some fashion or another.

Shepard was well aware of her strengths and weaknesses and though she was more than willing to help those in need, she had little interest in making friends with those she briefly met during her travels. An outsider may think she possessed a compassionate attitude coupled with a blasé demeanour. It was enough of a contrast to keep most people on edge and second-guessing her actions, which was exactly what Shepard wanted. She didn't need to be read as easily as an open-book or a public computer terminal. Unfortunately, this quality of her personality acted equally against her as it made her appear untrustworthy and slightly insensitive.

She didn't take much pleasure in revisiting Omega station that day (or night as it may have been; it was so hard to tell with all the lights of the asteroid station on at all hours). In many ways, the dirty atmosphere and the accompanying stench of corruption and exploitation reminded her too much of the slums she had grown up in on Earth. It was the sort of place where reputation mattered almost more than credits. Walking with purpose and audacity was the best way to get one's foot in the door, especially if they had come looking for a favour.

The commander hadn't had to visit the crime-laden world since she had recruited the salarian scientist, Mordin Solus, and her turian friend, Garrus Vakarian, who had gone by the alias of Archangel at the time. Neither of them had any particular interest in going back and Shepard couldn't blame them. After dealing with various thugs, mercenaries, greedy merchants, and an alien-killing virus in a contested district, she felt confident she had seen enough of Omega to last a lifetime.

Her squad had disembarked from their shuttle at the starport to find most of the docking bays devoid of space-faring and pedestrian traffic. It was unusually quiet and they didn't pass anyone at all until they were on the main street that connected the starport with downtown district that was home to Omega's most infamous nightclub. There were no security checks, no one willing to check their weapons or equipment or ask them mundane questions about how long they were visiting the station, but that was to be expected since there was no authority or police force on the station. There weren't even any opportunistic thugs waiting to take advantage of the new arrivals and relieve them of their possessions. Only an eerie silence that slightly raised the hairs on the back of Shepard's neck greeted the small squad.

Thane was as quiet and reserved as ever but Jack was restless and easily entranced by the lights and sounds of the neverending nightlife that surrounded them. Her eyes had lit up like a small child in a shop full of sweets when she saw the wondrous array of shops and individuals that Omega managed to attract. Shepard mentally noted this and had a bad feeling that she would be bailing Jack out of some sort of trouble that her unrestrained curiosity or lust for mischief would place her in.

Shepard didn't make much of an effort to keep pace with Jack as she explored around. She did, however, give Thane a look that told him to keep an eye on their criminally-inclined friend and he did so with no complaint. The small group had decided to walk the moderate distance between the starport and the Afterlife nightclub that Aria owned and operated. It was always nice to stretch one's space legs a bit and it gave everyone the opportunity to adapt to their newer surroundings. Between the environment aboard the Normandy and the recent intense mission they had all managed to survive and return from, any sort of shore-leave felt like a well-deserved vacation, even if it was on the unsavoury station of Omega.

Within a few minutes, Shepard had already lost sight of both the ever-curious Jack and her drell chaperone. She frowned a bit but kept walking, knowing that the biotic human could take care of herself if she managed to do anything too stupid. She had been more worried about Jack drawing attention to the group as a whole but didn't see how she could be much of a threat if she had wandered off on her own already.

The red-haired commander barely noticed that she had been left alone with Garrus who was still walking alongside her until he had deemed the opportunity as a good one to make some idle small talk with her. Shepard was a reserved individual who had always found small talk to be a waste of time and effort but she had begun to get used to some of Garrus' more recent awkward mannerisms. He had never used to be so chatty himself unless she had approached him first but had made a habit of taking advantage of every ounce of their time alone together lately. Shepard mostly just listened to him ramble on about whatever bit of galactic news had caught his interest that day or listen to his off-handed complaints about how little Omega had changed since their last visit. She didn't offer any opinions of her own to the discussion.

Eventually the conversation shifted to something she couldn't tune out as background noise. When Shepard wore her armour and left her emotions tucked away neatly aboard the Normandy, she was not interested in engaging in anything that could be remotely considered as personal discussions. Apparently her overly-enthusiastic turian companion had not discovered this well-known trait of the commander's psyche yet or had chosen to ignore it.

"Shepard, I.. wanted to ask how you feel about this leadership situation. Everyone knows you're in charge and Miranda was nothing more than the Illusive Man's proxy. Nobody ever wanted her to be the XO anyway so what are you going to do now?"

"I'll just make someone else the new XO and that will be the end of it. It's really not a big deal. I don't see any problems with Miranda."

"But doesn't it bother you that she's basically challenging your authority and not falling in line like the rest of the crew?"

"The Normandy isn't an Alliance ship. It's not even a Cerberus vessel any more. Our command structure isn't exactly the same as it would be if it were.

That said, I know I have earned Miranda's trust and unwavering loyalty. I'm not going to put her on edge if I don't have to. So long as she doesn't make an attempt of mutiny there's really nothing to worry about."

"You're fairly confident about all this. A jealous subordinate can create all sorts of tension regardless if the ship is under military jurisdiction or not. We all know who to follow. I was just worried that maybe Miranda's lack of faith in your abilities may have cause you to be upset. I wouldn't be as cool about it if I were you."

"That's why _I'm _in charge and nobody else," Shepard bit out a bit more harshly than she had wanted to. "A good leader knows how to exert her authority and keep everyone together, no matter what, even when there is a leadership challenge. Besides, I can sort of see where Miranda is coming from. Her whole world has been turned upside down. It doesn't excuse her attitude or the things she has said but it keeps me from suspecting that she aims to betray me at some point. She just needs to adjust to the new situation, as do we all. It takes more than a single tantrum during a mission briefing to make me question my ability to command the Normandy and her crew."

"Yes, I know that. Everyone knows that. You wear the mantle of command so easily, Shepard. And you've saved the galaxy twice now," he sounded liked he wanted to say more but couldn't find the right words so he left the comment at that.

"Then why bring up the situation with Miranda?" she asked with minor confusion.

"Just wanted to make sure you were feeling OK about things," this time he found the point he was really trying to make and genuine concern had crept into his voice, "If you ever want to talk, you know, about whatever.. I'm here for you."

"I'll make sure to let you know if something is bothering me in the future then," she said dismissively without even noticing the care and concern expressed in Garrus' words. Her mind was focused on what she would say later when they met with Aria after all. "If I have any raging emotional problems to deal with, I'll talk to a counsellor like Kelly. Otherwise I prefer to keep my feelings to myself and get on with the mission at hand."

It wasn't quite the brutal honesty that Garrus was expecting to hear and had Shepard bothered to look over at him then she would have seen the disappointment in his face."Right, got it. Sorry for bringing it up," he said quietly in a neutral tone, feeling a bit put out from trying to express his willingness to be closer to her. She didn't respond at all, maybe she hadn't heard him and was grateful for the silence that accompanied the remainder of the walk.

At last the pair caught up with Jack and Thane who were both eyeing a weaponry shop on the corner that overlooked the tall building that contained the Afterlife club. The loud, repetitive music could be heard from where they stood and the pavement beneath their feet vibrated slightly to let them know how much louder it must be inside. There was the usual line of unwanted guests queuing up outside the large doors and a pair of rough-looking batarian bouncers glowering down at the undesirables with sour expressions and cocked weapons in their arms. Shepard, however, was a welcome sight since she presented more of a challenge against them given the gear she and her companions wore. To the bouncers' dismay though the commander walked with purpose and urgency, a sure sign that she was supposed to be there and they didn't get to the opportunity to harass her like everyone else who was eager to get inside. She simply walked past them without a second glance and went about her business.

Shepard's squad made their way down a long corridor that opened up to the main bar and dance area. They were surrounded by lewd and drunken patrons of all species, genders, sexual orientations, and moral leanings. The music was indeed louder inside than outside, however, it sounded more like an incoherent, dull roar in the background rather than anything overly obnoxious or distracting. Several of the booths and tables were cluttered with individuals who were obviously engaged in deep conversations, so much so that they were utterly oblivious to the spectacle put on by the half-naked asari poledancers above the bar.

The scene before them was no different than any other club scene in the galaxy aside from the prevalence of highly visible side-arms and the occasional suit of body armour worn by a handful of the guests. Shepard assumed most of the armed individuals were freelancers or mercenaries just passing through the station on their way to the next job. Some were probably agents that worked directly for Aria, the de facto rule of Omega. Others were probably just paranoid locals who actually called the Omega station home.

Seeing so many unscrupulous beings in one confined location did not phase the commander in the slightest. Very few of the bar's patrons had the clean appearance of simple, harmless people looking for a drink and a few hours of excitement to pass the time with in their otherwise mundane existences. No, anyone who came to Afterlife went there with some sort of purpose. Usually that purpose was criminally-related or at the very least morally questionable in nature. Whether one was dealing in credits, drugs, slaves, information, or trying to be noticed by the right kind of people, nobody on Omega could call themselves innocent of corruption.

_You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, _Shepard thought to herself, remembering one of the lines from a classical 20th century science-fiction vid. The line summed up the entire atmosphere quite nicely. The human was only slightly embarrassed that she remembered the quote at all and doubted anyone else would know what it was reference to so she kept her thoughts to herself.

Walking straight up to Aria's private dais and demanding her undivided attention without setting up some sort of prior appointment was surely out of the question for the woman who had just seemingly waltzed in through the front door without much effort. Shepard would have need to find one of the asari's agents or bodyguards among the crowded room and convince them that her business was important enough to warrant attention. The process alone could take time that she was unwilling to waste, nevermind how much time would pass between finding someone and the actual meeting with the asari ruler.

The sooner she could conclude their business and be off the station, the better. She couldn't be entirely sure that Omega was devoid of any nosey Cerberus agents that would no doubt be eager to report Shepard's whereabouts to their superiors. It could have just be the general sensation of paranoia gnawing at her, but she couldn't afford to take needless risks, especially when the Normandy was not functioning at full capacity. They needed to repair their FTL drive before they put themselves into real danger again.

Shepard and her three companions made themselves comfortable at a small booth nestled into a corner at the edge of the main bar. The vantage point put them near the centre of the room but made it difficult to see the private area where Aria was likely to be situated. This was probably how Aria preferred it, so that she could look down at those below without having her own business observed. The small group from the Normandy ordered a round of drinks to bide their time while they took in the sights around them. The commander kept her senses alert and tried to discern their next course of action.

When they were half-way through their first drinks, an ordinary looking turian from the bar made eye-contact with Shepard. She couldn't quite place who he was but her instincts told her that he was vaguely familiar, as if she had bumped into him once before. There were no tattoos or war paint markings on his face. This indicated that he was not a trustworthy individual among his own kind and sent a red flag up to Shepard as well. _Definitely not a member of the Hierarchy then. Mercenary, maybe?_ she thought to herself. After a slight pause, she decided to motion him over with a wave of her hand to indicate her desire to speak with him. _May as well start with this one. With luck he is one of Aria's men or knows one to contact. _She didn't notice the shift in Garrus' body language from cautiously relaxed to mildly tense as the barefaced turian approached them.

"I thought you looked familiar," the turian stranger said casually once he was close enough to the table. "What brings you back to Omega, Shepard?"

"Have we met before?" the human asked cautiously, carefully resting a hand on the holster of her pistol to warn the alien away from playing any sort of verbal tricks with her.

"Oh, sorry. My name is Preitor Gavorn. I'm one of Aria T'Loak's agents. We briefly talked last time you were on the station. You can call me Gavorn, if you like," he said in an overly familiar tone. He seemed unusually laid-back and relaxed, probably having had too much to drink before Shepard and her squad had arrived. It was difficult to imagine the turian was who he claimed to be. None of Aria's men would dare to act so mellow and carefree if they were on duty. The asari would never have tolerated such a half-arsed work ethic in her men. At the very least, Gavorn must have known about Shepard's dangerous reputation if he had met her before.

"Right, I do remember you now," Shepard lied calmly while keeping her facial features as neutral as possible; turians were adept at reading human emotional cues from her experience. With an air of confidence, she continued, "I'm just here to conduct a little bit of business. Running into you is actually quite fortunate, for both of us. See, I need to talk to Aria about something rather important as soon as possible. Maybe you could help me out? I could make it worth your while." As she said the last line, she patted a pouch on her belt that contained various sizes of credit chips.

He followed her gaze and gave the turian equivalent of a half-smile, "Keep your credits. Aria already knows who you are and what you're capable of. It won't be hard to set up a meeting but it could take some time.." he trailed off and let that sink in for a moment before continuing, "Why don't I buy a round for your friends here and you and I could go elsewhere to set this up and pass the time together. You can consider it repayment for my help," he said suggestively, eyeing just how tightly the N7 armour hugged Shepard's curves. She was taken slightly aback by his flirtation, not having expected such an obvious indiscretion to come from him. She was unable to react before Garrus made his protests known.

With a few swift movements, Garrus had leapt to his feet and the other turian had been jerked savagely downwards by the front collar of his tunic. Gavorn's bareface was mere millimetres away from impacting the hard surface of the table. A few of the patrons nearby watched the dramatic scene unfold with half-interest, expecting guns to be drawn or the beginnings of a melee brawl. They were sorely disappointed when it became apparent that neither scenario was going to occur. Still holding onto the other turian's clothing, Garrus pulled him closer so that their eyes were level with one another. The expression on Gavorn's face was one of confusion, fear, and disorientation (probably due to being drunk more than anything else). Garrus' features, on the other hand, were hardened and deadly serious.

The last time Shepard had seen that look had been when she had had to nearly pull Garrus off of Harkin, a corrupted C-Sec officer who had been helping a turian who had betrayed Garrus on Omega before. If she hadn't intervened then, the human would have been smashed to bits by Garrus and his rage. Harkin had deserved it but she wasn't about to let her friend fall down the path of unnecessary, gratuitous violence. She had seen too many people walk down that road before, including herself, and it was a cycle that was not easily broken. Again, she found herself placing a firm hand on Garrus' free shoulder in an attempt to hold him back. This time he ignored the gesture altogether.

"Stop screwing around. Just set up the damn meeting and piss off," Garrus growled angrily in Gavorn's face. Once the other turian had nodded to assure Garrus that he would do as he was told, Garrus roughly let go of him. He then went back to drink he had been working on before the interruption as if nothing had happened.

Gavorn eventually disappeared up a flight of stairs and Jack boldly attempted to break the tension, "Damn, Garrus. Who pissed in your cereal this morning?"

He didn't respond but noticed that Shepard never came to his defence either. The table fell into awkward silence while they waited for Gavorn or one of Aria's other agents to return. Thane busied himself by preparing his omni-tool to link the inventory data with Shepard's omni-tool.

Shepard wasn't entirely sure why Garrus had acted so rashly but figured his actions were the best way to get the results they were after. So long as she met with Aria and could get off Omega, she didn't really care what happened in the mean time. She was slightly worried about how quickly his temper had flared but thought little more of it after the fact.

While she was linking up her omni-tool to Thane's, one of Aria's armed bodyguards came over and said that the asari was finally ready to see them. They were then escorted quietly to Aria's perch.

Aria T'Loak didn't bother to get up from the ornate lounge where she rested comfortably. She didn't even turn around when she heard Shepard's group approach. The violet-skinned asari merely waved a hand to dismiss her guards and motioned for Shepard to join her on an adjacent lounge.

"You seem rather relaxed about my being here," Shepard said slyly after taking a seat near the more powerful asari woman.

"I'm not relaxed, Shepard. I'm _bored_," Aria finally turned around to make eye-contact with the human. Her icy blue eyes usually sent shivers down the spines of those who met with her but Shepard didn't make any noticeable shifts in her body language. The red-haired human was probably just as powerful as she was, outside of Omega of course, and would not be easily intimidated.

"Bored?" Shepard laughed heartily, "That's hard to believe."

"Omega has been relatively quiet since you left, Shepard," the asari began in a quiet tone, as if she was afraid to be overheard, "With both the plague wiped out and all the mercenaries scared off..people began to question if doing business here was worth all the extra risk."

"The mercenary groups didn't just rebuild?" Garrus asked with mild interest from nearby.

"Ah, and you bring the source of all my frustrations to my doorstep," Aria said in a chiding fashion as she noticed who Garrus was. "Many of the mercs think you are dead, Archangel."

"That's flattering but I'd prefer to not be called that any more," he said coolly.

Ignoring his remark, Aria continued, "The lost of Archangel's influence should have been enough to put their fears to rest but because they never found a body..well, they're a paranoid bunch at the best of times. They still think there is a whole squad out there ready to tear them apart from the shadows. Normally fear can be productive for business but it sounds like the three major groups have suffered losses off of Omega as well. They haven't felt safe any where in the Terminus systems and they're all keeping low profiles so the others won't know just how weakened they are. You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with those incidents, would you Shepard?"

"We've had a few run-ins with all of them here or there," Shepard said casually, "But surely one group of freelancers isn't capable of disrupting business for three organised mercenary groups across the entire system all at the same time."

"Maybe not, but what I do know is it's bad for business. I'm not sure which scenario is worse: peace amongst the mercs or no mercs at all. As annoying as their petty disputes were, they sure managed to keep Omega's economy running. Ever since Archangel's 'death' I have had to work twice as hard to make a decent profit around here. And bringing in new business has been nearly impossible. I don't like working extra hard if I don't have to. It's a shame I can't just go on a vacation. Omega would all apart without me," Aria sighed as she lounged back comfortably on the lounge. Looking over at Garrus she said, "I don't suppose I could convince you to come back and start up your little crusade again?"

"Not a chance," he said firmly. "No offense, but you couldn't pay me enough to work on Omega again. Besides, I get enough excitement with Shepard and her crew now."

"Ah, well it was worth asking," she shrugged her shoulders to indicate indifference. "So what sort of excitement have you been getting up to lately, Shepard?"

"You know me. Bringing down mercenaries, fending off Collectors, saving human colonies. The usual," the human responded. She was glad that the topic of conversation was finally moving towards something more business-like in tone.

"Busy girl," Aria mused. "And what can Omega do for you? I don't suppose you're just here to reminiscent about old dealings."

"Actually, I'm looking into starting some _new_dealings," Shepard leaned forward, her elbows rested on her knees and her chin rested on her knuckles. She was giving Aria as much attention as she could.

"So this is to be a business chat after all. Perhaps your companions would be more comfortable waiting in the VIP lounge while we conduct ourselves. All of their needs will be seen to, free of charge, of course. I always take care of my valuable clients," the asari ruler waved her hand slightly and one of her guards emerged from the shadows to lead Shepard's squad-mates away to the more exclusive area of the club.

Having already transferred the important data, Thane had no real purpose to stay and Jack had only come for the excitement anyway so the idea of free drinks and a good time was appealing enough. Garrus, however, wasn't thrilled about the idea of leaving Shepard's side.

"Maybe I should stick around," he said more to Shepard than to Aria. The human looked over at him with mild curiosity before giving a reassuring smile.

"I'll be fine. This won't take long," she assured him.

This didn't convince him but he didn't want to hold up the commander because of his personal feelings regarding her safety and well-being. He relented once everyone had stopped to see why he hadn't followed after Jack and Thane, "Sure, just try to stay out of trouble, alright?"

When he was out of earshot, Aria chuckled softly.

"What's so funny?" Shepard asked, turning to look at the other woman once she was satisfied that her companions were being seen to.

"It's obvious that he likes you," Aria said plainly as if was the most obvious thing in the world. Shepard gave her a confused looked that clearly showed that she didn't think it was obvious at all. "You don't see it? Many a woman, and even some men, would yearn to have someone like Archangel lust after them. You're the only woman he sees in all the galaxy."

"What are you talking about? You've seen him for a few minutes and you've already got him all worked out, just like that? And anyway, his name is Garrus, not Archangel," Shepard said with what she hoped sounded like indifference. She really just wanted to talk about getting parts for the Normandy and not her personal relationships.

"Relax, Shepard," Aria said in a soothing voice. "We asari are more perceptive in these manners than other species. Besides, in my line of work, it helps to be able to read people. Turians are usually a bit more difficult to gauge but your friend isn't exactly trying to hide his emotions. He's young, isn't he? I guess you are too, come to think of it."

"We've known each for awhile and worked closely together during that time," Shepard admitted cautiously, unsure of where such a conversation could lead. "He's one of the most reliable soldiers under my command."

"Is that all?" the purple-skinned asari pressed on, "I get the impression that there's more going on besides that. And if there isn't, then why the hell not?"

Shepard was surprised by Aria's interest in the matter. "Oh, there might be more. I'm just not sure where I want things to go.."

"Shepard, you can be sexually attracted to someone without engaging in a full-fledged relationship with them," the other woman reminded her with utter frankness. The human shifted uncomfortably where she sat at hearing the word 'sex' dropped so casually into the conversation. This was definitely starting to turn into an overly personal subject that she wouldn't have felt comfortable talking about with anyone, least of all some crime-lord she barely knew. But if Aria wanted to have a personable chit-chat it probably meant she was looking for a closer relationship with her client. That would make it much easier for Shepard to get what she was really after.

Aria continued on with her friendly advice without acknowledging Shepard's discomfort, "Relationships get complicated too fast and most of the time they're just temporary anyway," Shepard was reminded of how long intimate relationships tended to last for a species that could live for over a thousand years but she didn't feel it was prudent to interrupt Aria, "If you find someone you are happy to share your bed with, then that's great but that's all you need to have in common. Trust me, I know a thing or two about this." The human wasn't willing to trust Aria any further than she could throw her but recognised the asari's words as candid advice instead of the usual condescending rhetoric she used with her other clients. It wasn't advice she agreed with or had asked to hear, but it was promising intel on her status in Aria's eyes.

"You're right," Shepard said, adding an extra hint of confidence to her voice. She leaned back to show how relaxed she was with the current situation and to make it look like she was letting Aria's words sink it.

"Of course, I'm right," Aria laughed. Unwilling to drop the subject matter, however, she persisted, this time with a softer voice as if the two were sharing secrets with one another, "Don't be such a tease, Shepard. Tell me more." She leaned back on her elbows and it was the most relaxed pose Shepard had ever seen her in. She was genuinely interested in the human, though Shepard had no idea as to why.

"What exactly do you want to know?" Shepard asked innocently enough.

"Archangel is a bit of a celebrity around here," Aria began, pointing out more of what should have been obvious to the human commander, "There have been all sorts of urban legends springing up since you left. A lot of people think he's still around. Every time a mercenary or some random thug is found dead, the rumours begin to tell stories that strongly suggest Archangel has struck again. But those aren't the _only_kind of rumours that get told.

Discussion of how Archangel managed to single-handedly fend off three powerful mercenary gangs has never really let up. There are all sorts of theories but everyone wants to know how he did it. They don't even listen whenever one of the mercs tells them it isn't true. They _wan_t it to be true. He's a hero, for many. Who knew a reckless vigilante could rile up the masses so effectively? His influence almost outstrips my own. An imaginary figure is more important than the great Aria. Can you believe it?"

"He's not imaginary at all. He's a really great guy. Intelligent, witty, loyal, good with his hands.." Shepard trailed off realising the last trait could have dual meanings.

"Oh, I'm sure. The turian can handle a sniper rifle alright but what else can he do?" the asari gave her a suggestive look so that Shepard wouldn't misinterpret what she was really asking about, "For a single man to stand up to so many enemies and live through it...he must be made of tough stuff. He would have to have a great amount of determination, endurance, stamina. He would have to be one of the strongest men in existence, mentally and physically. And stubborn, to believe so heavily in his just cause. These are all admirable traits to have in a sexual partner and every woman on this station dreams of having her way with such a figure. So do they have a right to be jealous or are the rumours completely unfounded myths of wishful thinking?"

Now Shepard really was surprised. She could see all of the qualities Aria had used to describe Garrus but she had never thought much about it before. She had never quite figured out why or how she had become attracted to her turian squad-mate. How many other things was she taking for granted? Somehow Aria's innocent banter had revealed much to Shepard that she had been purposely over-looking. To counter this unsettling feeling, the human slipped into one of her old habits from growing up on Earth. If you tell people what they want to hear, it will keep them from noticing your moment of weakness.

"I don't know if anyone has the right to be jealous of me, Aria, but I can assure you of this: Garrus is the best root I've ever had. And I don't intend to share my good fortune," Shepard felt at ease using the familiar tone as she had done countless times on Earth to let someone know that she was just as tough as they were. Using the crude slang helped enforce the cocky image she wanted to display.

And Aria was suitably impressed by the other woman's boldness, "That's the spirit, Shepard! You're a woman of my own heart. It's so refreshing to have someone who I can talk to as almost an equal. How about we have a drink and a toast before proceeding onto the more boring stuff? This is on me so take a moment to think of something fancy. Afterlife has every known liquor in the galaxy, in ample supply. Indulge yourself, go on."

A waitress had been summoned over to take their orders. Curiously, Shepard inquired about Afterlife's tequila selection and was overly impressed with their Earth collection. It had been well over a decade since she had stepped foot on her home planet even longer since she had tasted the preferred beverage of her people. Feeling slightly adventurous, she chose one of the most expensive clear tequilas on the menu, a rarely produced one from a small asari colony. She asked that it be mixed according to an Earth recipe she had known since her childhood and the waitress had given her a dubious look at the overly-specific drink request. But Aria had told her to indulge and so she was. Even Aria herself had asked for the same drink, eager to try something new.

The waitress dutifully returned a few minutes later with a small tray. The tray contained two large glasses and an ornate pitcher full of the liquid Shepard had ordered. The blue-skinned asari poured the drinks delicately and with great care. She adorned the rims of the glasses with salt and garnished each glass with a freshly sliced wedge of lime before disappearing amidst the crowded club. Shepard was left alone with Aria once again.

"To our good fortunes!" Aria raised her glass.

"To our good fortunes!" Shepard did the same. She savoured the first sip of her drink and for a fraction of a second was reminded of the few good memories from her youth.

"This is delicious," Aria declared after she tried her first taste of an Earth-prepared margarita.

"It'll knock you out if you're not too careful," Shepard warned her drinking partner.

"Good, I could use a bit more excitement tonight," Aria set her drink down on the table beside her and composed herself for a shift in conversation, "Now let's get down to business while our spirits are still high."

The rest of the conversation focused heavily on the state of the Normandy and how it had managed to acquire so much damage. Shepard tried to explain what happened during the voyage through the Omega-4 relay as best she could but she was no storyteller. She was simply a soldier who could only recall the sensation of fighting against insurmountable odds in an attempt to rescue her missing crew that had been captured by the Collectors. It wasn't until all of the chaos and dust had settled afterwards that she realised how significant her actions had been at the time.

The Collectors had been the proxy race for the Reapers, helping them prepare for their inevitable invasion, and she had all bit wiped them out in a single attack. Shepard destroyed their homeworld at the galactic core and in so doing, committed xenocide against creatures who had once been the ancient Protheans, before the Reapers had mutated and enslaved them. They had once been the very race that had left advanced technology behind for the rest of the sentient species to discover so that they may achieve space flight and form an intergalactic community. Now the Protheans were gone, for good, and Reapers had only suffered a setback in their plans.

But Shepard felt no remorse for those actions, it had to be done. The Protheans had become nothing but genetic slaves and after she had seen what the Reapers planned to do with humanity, she wasn't willing to commit her own people to a similar fate. In her explanation of these events to Aria, she glossed over the finer details of the actual battle that had taken place. Aria expressed curiosity and concern regarding the fate of the Collectors, which surprised Shepard who expected her to dismiss her claims as so many others had whenever she talked about anything relating to the Reapers before. Nobody believed the Reapers were real and very few would acknowledge the existence of the Collectors either. But Aria accepted what Shepard told her without question and she even seemed relieved when Shepard told her about the destruction of the Collectors' homeworld.

The Normandy was still capable of short-distance FTL travel but the drive core wouldn't handle too much and it was too risky to attempt to over stress the system in its current state. Even if they thought the ship could hold together for an actual jump, they were unable to send the necessary signal to the mass relay network altogether. The irony was that they had an ample supply of resources and fuel and their only limitation was the damage to the drive core. Their repairs to hull had been temporary solutions as well and would require new, proper plating over the entire ship eventually. That was a secondary priority, however, and could be fixed piece by piece over time once they could travel properly through the relays and at constant FTL speeds again.

Shepard was cautious to not detail everything, it was never a good idea to reveal weaknesses and points of vulnerability to anyone and she certainly hadn't felt at ease since stepping foot on Omega. She knew very little of how or where Cerberus operated and she was every bit convinced that Cerberus would try to find the location of the Normandy so that they could attempt to regain control of their investment. She could only begin to guess what sort of business the black ops group would have conducted under normal conditions on the seedy trade station that dominated Terminus space. The location was ideal for hiding and with the layout of the labyrinthine streets and the congested population, anyone could disappear into the crowd if needed. There was no doubt in the commander's mind that Cerberus knew this and had found ways to exploit Omega to their advantage in the past. She could not be certain that Cerberus agents weren't currently on the station and if they were, they would probably know that she was there as well. That was one of the main problems with them: their efficiency and thoroughness could act as a double-edged sword and neither edge was on Shepard's side any more.

Aria tried to quell Shepard's distrust and paranoia by reminding her just who ran Omega. There was nothing that happened on the station without her knowledge. Cerberus agents would have stood out and she knew what signs to look for. At the very least, they were safe in Afterlife and Aria reassured the human that she had no desire to cooperate with a pro-human group even if they did end up poking their noses around. This only satiated Shepard's concerns to a mild degree but she was running short on allies lately. Aria had no reason to betray her but at least she knew she would be able to get to the Normandy, safely away from the station but still within the Omega-system, relatively quickly if she needed to run. Not that Shepard relished the idea of running from a potential fight, she just had to get used to thinking five steps ahead now with her more limiting options and could not put her crew at risk for the moment.

Much to Shepard's relief, Aria agreed to help her out. She warned that it could take time for her to get in touch with all of her contacts but the needed materials should be readily available from nearby systems. They agreed to have everything sent to Omega where Aria had access to several unused, but fortifiable, warehouses that could accommodate all of the resources easily. The Normandy would then be contacted on a regular basis and the Kodiak shuttle would be sent back to Omega to retrieve everything as it came in and was ready to be used. Shepard agreed to pay Aria a commission on each order but indicated her supply of credits was not limitless.

They were able to work out a deal that involved both credits and raw materials as payment. Shepard's team had gathered a large collection of useful minerals during their time spent exploring in between missions for Cerberus. Originally, the resources were intended to help Cerberus with their many demanding projects, presumably to be turned into useful products later that could be used by the organisation itself or as precious commodities to be traded for top credits with eager business partners. But Cerberus' profit margin was no longer Shepard's concern and the materials were only taking up valuable space on her ship.

Normally Aria was more interested in manufactured goods, finished products, and supplies such as armour, weapons, or other useful technology. Several of the companies that supported and paid tribute to her on Omega, however, possessed processing plants off-world that could convert the raw materials into an arsenal for the ruler of Omega's various henchmen, for a fee. The resources offered by Shepard would serve as that fee and meant the asari ruler wouldn't have to spend valuable credits on quality equipment for quite some time. The deal was a slightly unconventional one to strike but there were no immediate drawbacks for either side. Besides, it would ensure profitability for Aria in the long-run and that's all that really mattered to her.

The conversation ended with Aria asking Shepard about her intended plans for the future. The human had shrugged off the question and tried to dismiss it as unimportant but something about her furrowed brow implied that the commander just didn't have an answer to give. Aria had half-jokingly suggested that Shepard take up freelance work such as mercenaries for hire or pirating. She pointed out that the commander had a loyal crew and one of the most advanced human vessels in space at her immediate disposal. Without being bound to Cerberus or even to the System Alliance, Shepard would have to find a new way to finance her endeavours and to maintain her ship. If she had the firepower at her fingertips, she may as well use it to her advantage.

Shepard admitted that the concept had some sort of appeal but reminded the asari that she still considered herself a soldier and a representative of humanity. She also indicated that she had a greater and more noble mission to pursue: the destruction of any remaining Collectors and ultimately the demise of their Reaper overlords. If her mission failed, the whole galaxy could be wiped of all sentient life and there was no time for personal flights of fancy or pursuits of luxury.

Aria scoffed at the idea that the Reapers even existed but she recognised the dangers the Collectors had presented. She called Shepard an idealist and accused her of being hell-bent on saving the world from a destructive force that didn't even exist. But internally, she was thankful that someone as talented and determined as Shepard was fighting on behalf of all galactic civilisation. Even if it seemed overly romantic and impossible to pursue such a course of action, she knew Shepard had more of a chance than anyone else. To keep her tough outward image, however, she kept those opinions to herself.

Shepard didn't mind being called out on her saviour complex. She didn't care what the rest of the galaxy thought of her or her actions. She believed in the necessity of her mission and so did the team that followed her. If they were successful in stopping the Reapers for good and nobody thanked her afterwards, she wouldn't mind. If they failed, there wouldn't be anything left to worry about. It wasn't about gaining popularity or respect or power; it was about saving the galaxy from absolute annihilation. She was already getting what she needed from Aria T'Loak and she couldn't have asked for more than that.

Once the meeting was wrapped up, the commander took leave from Aria's private area of the club and returned to her squad in the VIP lounge. She ascended the steps to the exclusive portion of the establishment but didn't catch sight of her team-mates at first. The room was much darker than the one below and the music was more subdued. The tables and booths encircled a small dancing area where some asari guests were congregating. Shepard found her companions in a corner booth looking utterly bored with the situation. She pulled up a chair to join their table and a waitress came by to ask for her drink order of which she declined.

"That took longer than expected," Garrus said once she was settled in.

"Sorry, Aria had a few other things on her mind," Shepard said casually, hoping no further questions would be asked about the conversation she had just had.

Jack was too busy talking to Thane to even notice Shepard's return. She briefly waved in acknowledgement of the commander's presence and went back to her conversation. Shepard  
couldn't make out much of what they were discussing since they were huddled close together and whispering.

"So, how'd it go?" Garrus asked casually.

"It went well, we came to an agreement. We can return to the Normandy whenever you all are ready," she said loudly enough for Jack and Thane to know that she was talking to  
the entire group.

"What's the rush, Shep?" Jack asked, clearly not eager to leave Omega just yet.

"No rush, I just don't like being here longer than necessary," the commander answered. "If you guys want to stick around you can, I can have the shuttle sent back to retrieve you."

"Ah, I thought you'd like the time off," Jack said, sounding slightly put out. "Thought we could go shopping together, there are some great knife shops that we passed on our way in. You're a collector, right?"

"Yeah, but we can do that any time," Shepard appreciated that Jack was trying to befriend her via a common, shared interest but shopping for knives with Jack just sounded like  
a bad idea. The other human simply shrugged her shoulders as if she had expected Shepard to decline her offer anyway. Thane remained quiet and aloof, as if he were lost in thought.

Shepard noticed a group of asari at a nearby table whispering to one another and pointing at Jack just then. She looked over to see Jack's reaction.

"Those bitches have been talking about me since we got here," she grumbled as she polished off the remains of her drink. "Probably complaining about my lack of fashion sense or some other bullshit. Not that I care or anything."

"You care enough to bring it up every five minutes.." Thane said with an exasperated sigh.

"Shut up," Jack said snidely. After a pause, her brow wrinkled slightly as if an idea had come to her. "You know, I'm tired of their shit. Why don't we give them something to talk about."

"Who is this 'we'?" Thane said carefully, but before he could get an answer Jack had gripped him by one of his arms and half pulled him after her as she walked over towards the asari table. The unfinished drink in his hand fell and shattered as it impacted the table's edge on its way to the floor beneath, it's remaining contents spilled out harmlessly on the tabletop. The sound of the broken glass caught the attention of the nearby guests, which was probably the effect that the attention-seeking human had in mind.

Shepard couldn't hear the words that Jack exchanged with the blue-skinned aliens nearby but she did catch the grimaced expression on Thane's face. Whatever the disagreement was about, he wasn't pleased to be brought into it. Jack had a firm grip on her smaller drell companion's wrist but Thane was making no obvious effort to pull free from his captor. Eventually she and the group of asari had made their way over to the dance floor, with a reluctant Thane in tow, and the human began dancing to the music. Her movements were primal and suggestive and the asari struggled to mimic her rhythm. At first, Thane simply didn't know what to do but Jack managed to involve him in the dance-off anyway as it progressed. Shepard wasn't sure if she should be amused or impressed at how well the drell moved on his smaller legs but he did manage to keep up with Jack somehow.

Beside her, Garrus laughed softly, "That's something you don't see every day."

"Not at all," Shepard agreed. She was suddenly aware that the two of them had been left on their own again. They were both sitting on the same side of table but not too closely.

"Who knew coming to Omega would turn into some sort of double-date?" Garrus said off-handedly, still watching their fellow companions enjoy themselves, and trying to make some sort of lighthearted conversation to fill the awkwardness that was beginning to settle in over the table.

"What are you talking about?" Shepard asked with bewilderment. "Those two? Jack's just messing with Thane because she can. It's nothing more than that."

"I wasn't talking about those two," was his pointed response. He turned to look at Shepard's reaction, to see if he needed to clarify his comment any further. She met his gaze briefly before looking down at the empty table in front of her as if it were much more interesting. Her response implied she knew exactly what he was referring to but was unwilling to say anything more on the subject.

She opened her mouth to form some sort of response but found herself lost for words. Why was everyone so interested in her personal life lately? When had she allowed herself to even _have_ a personal life worth talking about in the first place? Initially, she was caught off-guard from the implications of his question, mostly because she hadn't yet thought much about the state of things between them. Then she immediately felt guilty for _not_thinking about her best friend's welfare. So much had happened since they had shared that one evening together.

The Normandy had almost been destroyed, Tali had died a senseless death, Cerberus had cut ties with the crew, and Shepard had been left to pick up the pieces and decide everyone's future. The one night in her cabin had been invigorating and self-indulgent and now she was back to playing the role of caretaker and commander. She didn't have the time for personal luxuries or relationships.

It wasn't that she regretted their special evening together, in fact she had treasured it greatly. She just didn't know how to handle the newfound and rampant emotions within  
herself. She definitely didn't know where to begin when it came to explaining them to someone else. The commander knew she was just making up excuses to avoid an uncomfortable truth: uncomfortable not because it was unpleasant but because she didn't know how to process it all properly. It was a situation she simply had no control over and that made her nervous.

"We're just two close friends enjoying a drink together," she said at last, before the lull in response-time could become too long or uncomfortable. Her stomach twisted into knots as she said it. _Please don't ask for more clarification than that. Not here, _she thought to herself. She tried to avoid his piercing eyes in the darkened room, they were more blue than green at that moment and she feared she would be lost in them if she stared for too long. Again she looked down at her lap, feeling foolish for her cowardice.

"It was just a joke, Shepard," was his candid response, there was even the hint of a laugh in his voice. If she had hurt his feelings, he wasn't showing it.

Maybe she was just getting nervous over nothing. Maybe they _were_ simply two friends enjoying a drink together and nothing more. How had Shepard gotten herself worked up over  
something so simple?_ It's because you have feelings that you've never had before and you're an absolute idiot when it comes to expressing them, _she heard her thoughts say to herself. She couldn't decide if she felt relief or disappointment with his response but at least they had successfully avoided the subject that she had been dreading.

Several quiet minutes passed and Shepard assumed that they had simply reached the end of their awkward verbal exchange. She noticed a small crowd gathering around the dance floor and occasionally could catch a glimpse of Jack's rapid movements whenever a break appeared within the throng of onlookers. When she finally took her eyes off of the energetic display, she saw that Garrus was watching her with a quizzical expression. He tried to look away once he noticed she had caught him ignoring Jack and Thane's antics. Instead, however, he realised he had finally captured Shepard's undivided attention and he was unwilling to waste the opportunity. Her icy blue eyes were as impossible to read as ever but he was glad that she was comfortable enough to look directly at him for what felt like the first time that night.

"Shepard," he said after letting go of a deep breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. Her eyes were still fixed on his own which gave him enough confidence to continue, "You know that you're important to me, right? I care for you. A great deal."

She nodded in response and picked her first few words carefully, "You're important to me too, Garrus. You're the best friend I could ever ask for." The last few words, however, had not been intended but she couldn't figure out how to take the comment back. Mentally, she was kicking herself again. She was fairly sure that "just friends" meant the exact same thing in every language to every species in the galaxy. Not even cultural differences could make up for the wrong message she had just managed to send.

"Oh," he said flatly. She thought she saw his mandibles twitch slightly, probably the turian equivalent of a frown or expression of disappointment. "That's not...I mean, I'm glad to hear that. But...what about, well, you know..?"

"Garrus, this really isn't the time or place to talk about all this," she said dismissively.

But he didn't want to drop the issue so easily and he pushed on in a stern tone, "So when _will _we talk about it?" There was a hint of defiance in his voice as he stood up against Shepard's reluctance to discuss the matter. She couldn't avoid it indefinitely and he was reaching the end of his patience.

"I don't know, OK?" she bit out with irritation. Her body language shifted to match her tone; she was preparing her defences. "Just give me a chance to think about it first."

"You've had lots of time to think about it-" he began in protest but cut himself off as he felt anger slip into his own voice. He wasn't angry with her and didn't want to give the impression that he was. He was just as nervous and unsure about the situation between them as she was but he didn't want to be strung along with false hopes. Too much had gone wrong in his life before and he didn't want to add a botched attempt at a relationship with the one woman he cared most about to that long list. If she was having second thoughts, he needed to know before he made a fool of himself at her expense. He could live with being just friends if that was really what she wanted but if there was even a remote chance for more than that, then he would happily pursue it.

"You're expecting too much, too soon," Shepard said with desperation in both her voice and mannerisms. She felt like she had been cornered then against her will though that hadn't been at all what Garrus was trying to do. He simply wanted some straight answers that she didn't have at her disposal. Feeling tactically out-manoeuvred and conversing about a subject matter that she had little control over had placed the human at a disadvantage that she was not accustomed to. Had she possessed more personable skills, she may have laughed it off or attempted to move the conversation onto another topic. But that wasn't how Shepard handled things that were unfamiliar to her. Either fight or run, there was no in-between reaction as far as she knew.

She continued on with a bit more fervour, "You don't have to change who you are for my sake. I don't need someone looking out for me or pretending to be my bodyguard. I can take care of myself. Always have, always will. I'm flattered that you care about me, really, but you're not the first person to do so and I don't have the patience for the headaches that come with such affection. I don't share myself with anyone, I can't afford to. It's not easy being the commander but I have responsibilities that go far beyond personal comfort and happiness. Feelings just get in the way. Emotions just get in the way. Relationships.. just get in the way. Notice the pattern yet?

I trust you more than I've ever trust anyone else in my entire life, Garrus. But that doesn't make you any more important than any other soldier under my command. I've lost people before, good people. Getting attached is.. it's just not acceptable. We're on a mission here. This is a military operation not some sort of pleasure cruise touring the galaxy," she paused for a moment to catch her breath and to turn down the volume of her voice before she attracted more unwanted attention.

Back to avoiding his eyes again she continued in a more pleading tone, "OK, I admit it, I flat out don't know what to do here. I don't have answers to your questions. And your unspoken accusations..they're _stifling_me. Before I say anything harmful here, I should.. I should go," she stood up suddenly as words began to fail her completely. The rant had left her feeling energised and she could feel the initial sensation of an oncoming adrenaline rush building within her body. Mentally she was drained but physically she felt the urge to move, to stretch her coiled muscles and leave the mess she had created far behind. She couldn't look at him at all, her words had came out without careful consideration and she was too upset to try and remember what she had just said.

"A bit late to avoid saying any harmful now, isn't it? Why stop there," Garrus said so quietly she barely heard him. His arms were crossed in a pensive fashion and his stare was hard and unforgiving. Shepard knew she had delivered a devastating blow but instead of of fixing her mistake, she was looking for a route of retreat.

Suddenly, she bolted then for the exit without saying a word and nearly trampled over any bystanders that had the misfortune of being in her way. The adrenaline that accompanied her internal fight-or-flight mechanism had kicked in. Fear drove her onwards though she wasn't exactly sure what she was afraid of. Hurting Garrus? Hurting herself? It didn't matter. She needed to get away. All she wanted right then was to be alone in the safety of her own cabin on the Normandy, it was the only place in the universe that was entirely her own.

Garrus instinctively took off after her, despite her harsh words only moments before. He couldn't tell if she had meant what she had said or not but it didn't matter. He was faster than the human but she had had a headstart and it had taken him a few seconds to realise what was happening. He only glanced briefly in the direction of their fellow squad-mates as he passed but they didn't seem to notice. He wasn't entirely sure as to what had set Shepard off but assumed it was somehow his fault. She had never acted so rashly before and her sudden unpredictability made him exceptionally nervous.

He tailed her back through the same path that they had taken earlier from the shuttleport. His stomach sank as he realised where she must be going. If she got to the shuttle first, she could be off-world within minutes. Was she so distraught that she would leave the rest of her squad behind? The Kodiak shuttle was capable of FTL travel, she could use it to go any where she wanted.

Despite his heavier armour, he managed to keep pace with the commander through the chaotic streets, only occasionally losing visual when she turned a corner. Her vibrant, crimson hair stood out against the gritty earth-toned colours that made up the scenery around them so it wasn't hard to spot her from a distance. Unlike the pursuit of an enemy, he didn't have to worry about running with his rifle in hand, instead it clung diligently to its holster over his shoulder. He didn't actually catch up to her until they were both standing within the Kodiak's docking bay.

She was panting when he reached it, clearly out of breath from her sprint. When she saw him approach, she slammed a fist of frustration into the shuttle's underside, just near the access panel by the door. The shuttle's heavy plating ignored the petty blow but Shepard's knuckles felt the impact keenly and she regretted the action immediately. The turian, however, was not out of breath but he did not push his advantage and stopped at a safe distance between her and the shuttle, hoping to not provoke her further by getting too close.

"What are you doing, Shepard?" he demanded.

"Running away. What does it look like?" she growled. She wiped the loose strands of hair out of her face as she tried to get closer to the shuttle's unlocking mechanism. Garrus didn't move aside but she ignored him as she input the code to open the shuttle's main hatch.

He had wanted to ask her what she was running away from but was afraid that might set her off again. He had seen enough of her adverse reactions for one day and wasn't going to push his luck if he didn't have to. Instead, he tried a more practical question, "Were you going to leave the entire squad behind?"

She stopped what she was doing to consider the question, as if such an important subject had slipped her mind altogether. In a contrite tone she said, "No need to be so dramatic, I never leave my team behind. I would have had the shuttle sent back after I got to the Normandy."

"This isn't like you," Garrus said with concern. "What's wrong? Was it something I said? We don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to but...I'm worried about you."

"That's the problem," she said with a sigh. Reluctantly, she added, "You can come with me if you promise to stay out of the way. I need some space. We can talk...later. Much later. For now, I just want to be left alone."

The door of the shuttle opened and the commander stepped aboard. She hadn't left any room for debate or argument but Garrus was unwilling to let her out of his sight after the stunt she had just pulled. Given her irrational state of mind, it was hard to know what she would try next. Shepard may have preferred to fly the shuttle solo but he was just as eager as she was to get away from lawless station and back to the safety of the Normandy. It was a quiet ride back except for the short exchange where he informed Thane of the current situation. Jack and Thane seemed concerned for the commander's welfare but were not bothered overall by the turn of events. Garrus, on the other hand, was incredibly concerned but he did his best to adhere to Shepard's wishes. She was fully capable of flying the small craft on her own and the passing time gave them both a chance to be left alone with their thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus paced about the small room absently as he toyed with the idea of corrupting all of the Normandy's calibration records. The weapon battery at the end of deck three was his usual haunt and it was devoid of any traffic. The crew was confident enough in his understanding of the weapon systems that they had no reason to intrude or bother him. The room had slowly turned into his personal quarters over time. It wasn't anything fancy but it suited his needs and it was still much larger than what he would have had on a turian ship. He wasn't sure if the humans were grateful that he kept to himself or not and wasn't interested in finding out. He didn't own much, just a few changes of clothes and his usual assortment of combat equipment. They were all tucked neatly into a storage crate under a small bed in the corner, clothes on the bottom and rifles on top. There was a standard computer terminal that he used on occasion but otherwise nothing that showed any signs of personalization. He liked to keep things simple and orderly.

The rate of his pacing increased as boredom began to set in. There were only so many times the weapon systems could be readjusted before the action became so second nature that he could do it in his sleep. If it became that easy, the purpose behind the task was lost. He needed some sort of challenge in his day-to-day life that didn't revolve around being shot at on one of Shepard's missions. If he were to purposely corrupt the data, he could start the calibration process from scratch but it could potentially leave the Normandy vulnerable for an indeterminable amount of time. The risks heavily outweighed the reward but the idea was still slightly tempting.

He knew that the humans joked about his obsession when they didn't think he was around but that had never bothered him too much. It wasn't an obsession, not really, it was just his way of dealing with complex situations. Numbers and programs were predictable, reliable. The logic was infallible. The sense of perfection was relaxing and the repetitive nature of inputting and checking figures over and over again gave his restless mind something meaningful to focus on.

There had been plenty on his mind in recent weeks. For the most part, he had found effective ways of pushing the more intrusive thoughts away. There had been the big mission past the Omega-4 relay to worry about and prepare for. But since that mission had been accomplished, he found himself with way too much to think about and no amount of calibrations was going to ease his current burden.

Ever since they had gotten back from Omega station, he had the impression that Shepard was avoiding him. It was maddening but part of him was glad that she hadn't decided to talk right away. He had had time to calm down on the flight back to the Normandy but he was still feeling conflicted by her reaction to what he had considered to be innocent banter. The two of them were often able to joke and converse with one another without any sort of strange tension or awkwardness. Only a day before she had been crying into his shoulder, seeking comfort and sharing her bed. What had gone wrong since then?

The turian paused for a moment and ran a hand over his fringe in a very human-like way. It was one of those mannerisms he had managed to pick up on the Citadel, humans tended to run their hands over their scalps or through their hair when they were trying to figure something out. Maybe they were supposed to be stimulating the synapses of their brain through touch or something. He wasn't too sure if they even noticed that they did it. A turian was sensitive along the top and back of their head and he found the gesture to be more comforting than it was stimulating.

For a brief moment, he could feel the sensation of Shepard's soft fingers running over the same spot as they had that night before the big mission. Again, he was being distracted from his own thoughts but remembering that night with Shepard was much more pleasant than brooding over her actions only a few hours ago. He could think about the present later, there was no rush. Instead, he was more than willing to let his mind wander freely onto better memories.

It was hard _not_ to think of that night they had spent together after all. The experience had been incredibly new and foreign to the pair of them. His expectations for the night had been set cynically low but the end result had been a welcome surprise. For once, he hadn't managed to screw up a good situation.

* * *

_Everything had started off simple and innocent enough. Naturally, he had felt nervous and awkward about being alone with the commander, probably more so that particular evening than at any other time. It could have been the unusual feeling of being in a new room, he had never been inside her cabin before and he had the impression very few other crewmembers had seen it either. The room was large and luxurious, not at all like the military standard he had grown up with and the effect was slightly intimidating. The room had been designed for comfort and relaxation and he hadn't felt at all relaxed when he entered it. He had spent the first few minutes trying to get his bearings and attempting to keep his nervousness under control. _

_He remembered how he had rambled on about nothing important in vain before Shepard had finally interjected and taken control of the situation. She was always good at that, always knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it, whether it was on the battlefield or otherwise. Her decisiveness and straightforward nature had always been a quality that Garrus had come to admire about her. He had known quite well what he wanted then as well but was still struggling to put it into coherent words. In her calm, casual manner, she had settled him down by gently reaching up and touching the scar on the right side of his face. Their eyes had connected then and he had felt closer to Shepard in that moment than ever before. _

_That's all it had taken to put him at ease. The last remaining words were a confession of how desperately he wanted things to go well between them, given all the hardship in his past, but she already seemed to know. Instead of expressing her own feelings verbally, she had opted for leaning in close. She was close enough to touch, he could even smell hints of the flowery shampoo she had just been using minutes before on her hair. _

_Without any spoken words, the turian and the human bowed their heads and for the first time they intimately touched one another. Their foreheads were pressed gently together and their eyes were mere centimetres apart. His hand rested upon her right shoulder where he felt the ends of her soft hair lightly brush against his fingers. The moment seemed frozen in time as Garrus reflected on it. The whole universe had stood still then. It had been a spontaneous gesture, neither of them had yet figured out the best way for the two species to show adequate affection before and they had both been pleasantly impressed with with their innovativeness._

_Shepard had smiled one of her rare and charming half-smiles. Her high cheekbones and dimples were very noticeable when she was so close and he was sure that he must have had a similar expression on his own face. He could even make out the faint freckles around her nose that were usually obscured by her dark skin. Humans came in all shades just as turians did but he assumed the combination of red hair, blue eyes, and tanned skin was uncommon among Shepard's species. He was taking in all of the details of her face at once, wondering how he had never become attracted to humans sooner. _

_When the moment was over, the two of them had silently agreed to ignore the cheap wine that he had brought with him. It had been intended to serve as a conversational ice-breaker but was now found left abandoned and forgotten on Shepard's desk, near her computer terminal. He noted that his human partner had shown little to no interest in talking since he had arrived even though he had had a million thoughts running through his head. He doubted he could have found the words to speak right then and with Shepard's body so close, he found himself admiring the view instead. _

_Shepard didn't give him a chance to say anything when they pulled apart, she had simply interlaced her fingers with his and led him to her bed. There was a brief pause when they reached the foot of it, as if Shepard were choosing the best way to proceed. Without any hesitation, she removed the white short-sleeved top of her Cerberus uniform, revealing a black singlet underneath. Around her neck was a chain featuring the two silver dog tags that Liara had recovered for her recently. He had been unsure about the undressing part, the shape of her body and the clothing that she wore was very different from his own. But he decided the easiest thing to do was to follow her lead, as he always did, and soon he had removed his own ceremonial tunic. After a few more quiet seconds, a pile of clothing had amassed around their feet._

_The lights were dimmed around the cabin by Shepard's verbal command. They were neither too bright to be intrusive nor too dark to hide everything. They could just make out the finer details of one another's exposed forms in the remaining light. Garrus distinctly remembered focusing on all of the different features first and supposed Shepard had done the same. The funny bumps that distinguished human females from males were in plain sight then and he could certainly understand why she would have need of a supportive waist structure. Her proportions seemed normal for a human of her height and the toned muscles of her body were what he expected from someone who had spent most of her life as a marine. _

_They were tentative with one another at first. Even though they were both adults in their early 30s, the act felt more like one being committed by youthful adolescents. They were both so unfamiliar with the other's anatomy but that didn't deter them from learning where all the important parts were. It didn't take long at all to discover which areas were the most sensitive. _

_For the turian, any area where the leathery carapace plates met with the rougher, exposed skin underneath were generally full of more nerve endings than the more protected spots. The back of his head, just below the fringe was also sensitive despite the plating and Shepard had found it easily early on. She had ran her fingers over his crest, where the fringe met the face plating, when she leaned in to kiss his forehead. He wasn't entirely sure how kissing was supposed to work since turians didn't engage in the behaviour with their own kind. They also lacked the plump, shapely lips that other species had but Shepard was not dissuaded. While she was running her smooth fingers slowly over the top strands of his fringe, her other arm had been wrapped around his upper torso, her hand pressed firmly against his collar and shoulder blade. She looked up at him then, her grey-blue eyes were warm and inviting and he could feel her muscles tense as she urged him onto her. _

_Whatever shyness or anxiety he had felt earlier in the evening was gone at that point. Now he had to focus on the delicate form below him. Not only did he want to show the commander a good time, but he we was also paranoid about injuring her. Humans had much softer and fragile skin than turians. There was no protective plating around the vital organs and they lacked talons on their fingers and toes. They didn't even have the same rows of carnivorous teeth within their small mouths. The mandibles around his own mouth were less of a worry since they were composed of flexible cartridge instead of sharp bones. He would have to be careful to not scratch her at all with his talons and was inclined to keep his jaws closed. After all, Mordin had warned them both about the dangers of exchanging fluids due to their incompatible DNA so there was no reason to worry about potential situations involving ingestion anyway. He was also reminded of the flexible spurs on the back of his legs that could potentially do damage if he wasn't too careful. However, he had quickly found that it was more comfortable for his legs to rest on the outside of hers so there was little reason to think they would be a problem._

_The texture of her skin amazed him. It was so gentle and smooth against his fingertips and he almost wished he had possessed as many fingers as a human just to explore the terrain of her body with more detail. But she didn't seem to complain and in fact quite enjoyed his tender touches. He wasn't sure if that was because he had to be deliberate and cautious to avoid hurting her or if human skin was just that more more sensitive than his own. Regardless, he could tell she was taking pleasure in it as he traced the outlines of her muscles along her shoulders and upper torso, noting that her back arched slightly upwards as he worked his way closer to her waist and hips. He had ignored the funny bumps altogether, not sure what to do with them, and she didn't protest. _

_There was an audible intake of breath as he touched the skin around her hips, right along the curve of her pelvic bone. He had never paid much attention to the vids that featured humans but he had seen plenty featuring asari and the sounds Shepard made were more intense and animalistic than those. The sound and the movement of her chest as it rose and fell was mesmerising. _

_At first he wasn't sure if the noise was a good or bad sign. It fell somewhere between the threshold of pleasure and pain and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt the commanding officer of the Normandy just before the big mission that was coming up. That would have been both embarrassing and extremely inconvenient for the rest of the crew. Shepard only dug her fingers deeply into his skin in response to his movement and he was grateful that she didn't have talons of her own. Her grip against his shoulders was tight and only when he pressed his chest against hers, careful to keep his protruding collar bone positioned safely between her supple breasts, did she loosen her hold. She occasionally explored his back with her fingers while he did the same with her anterior features. _

_When her breathing intensified, he quietly asked if she was OK and she assured him that she was fine and encouraged him on. There wasn't much talking, just two pairs of hands rubbing and caressing the other's body. Garrus had noticed that Shepard was beginning to sweat despite the cool temperature of the room but she had either not noticed or chosen to not care. Her short, messy red-hair was beginning to stick stubbornly to her face. He purposely moved the loose strands back behind her ears with one hand while the other cradled her back. He loved the sensation of running his fingers through her hair, it was so feathery and light, unlike a turian's fringe which was composed of hardened cartridge. As his fingers brushed against her external ears, he realised he had found another erogenous zone. Her ears and hair fascinated him almost more than any other parts of her body. _

_He was astounded by how comfortable she was with relinquishing control to him. She had always been the leader and he had looked up to and admired her a great deal long before they had joked about spending an evening together. The joking had quickly turned serious and had led to this moment. There he was in her bed, lying on top of her with their bodies seamlessly entangled. He looked down and realised just how beautiful she was. Despite her body being naked, vulnerable, and completely exposed, the battle-hardened commander appeared more relaxed and at ease than he had ever seen her before. He wasn't about to question the seemingly reversal of their roles in the current situation. All he wanted to do was make it memorable and possibly not screw it up too badly like so much else in his life. It was the first time either of them had engaged in inter-species relations and he wasn't going to let it be the last. _

_Once their first session had came to its epic conclusion, Garrus figured that would have been all for the night. He could feel his muscles cramping up all over his body and was definitely out of breath after the exertion. Shepard lay curled up beside him with her head leaning gently against his chest and collar bone with one of her arms draped over him. She was panting loudly as well but not nearly as loudly as she had been minutes before. Garrus assumed they would catch their breath, maybe say a few words, then blissfully fall asleep together. A few minutes later, he realised that wouldn't be the case at all. _

_He certainly would have liked to just chat and drift off, Shepard had said so little during the whole night, but he wasn't too upset when she decided to take the reigns and have another go. At least he didn't have to worry about using most of his aching muscles and he did enjoy the impish grin that crossed Shepard's lips during the experience. There was something infectious and uplifting about her smile and he hoped to give her more reasons to show it off in the future._

_Eventually, Shepard was satisfied and she allowed Garrus to cuddle up to her from behind. He was nearly twice her size so it was the most comfortable position if she was insistent on sleeping so close. Their legs briefly intertwined. Shepard shifted her position slightly once she had fallen asleep but Garrus still held onto her warm form with his long arms. He pulled up the sheets to protect her exposed body from the cool air and found himself completely in awe as he reflected on the event that had just taken place. _

_For months they had joked about doing it but it had always felt like wishful thinking. He couldn't believe that the one person he respected the most in the galaxy had allowed him to partake in such an intimate act. Granted, there was every chance that their next mission would not succeed or that one or both of them could perish at the hands of the Collectors. Any sane person would want to go out in style against odds like that. Humans and turians were known to use sex as a means of stress relief and certainly Shepard would have been feeling immense amounts of stress lately. _

_But the way she had looked at him, how she had been the one to initiate the whole thing, surely it was more than just "blowing off steam", right? If she had simply wanted casual sex, there were several human candidates she could have chosen from. She had picked him, however, and he still wasn't entirely sure why. He was relieved that she had and was overjoyed by what they had just accomplished together. _

* * *

They were certainly good memories to look back on but there had been plenty of other notable encounters between him and the commander. Looking backwards now allowed him to to see all the signs and subtle hints that would lead to the present. They were the sort of signs and hints that he could not possibly have noticed at the time they had occurred. He hadn't even thought much of the first time he had met Shepard on the Citadel.

* * *

_It had been a brief encounter, she had been in a hurry to meet with the Council at the time. Later, when she had found and asked him to join her Alliance crew to help take down Saren Arterius, he hadn't even hesitated, not for a moment worrying about being the only turian aboard a human vessel. He still wasn't sure if it had just been his insatiable desire to see justice served or the lure of freedom away from all of the Citadel's suffocating bureaucracy that guided his decision then. Or it could have just been Shepard's quiet confidence and charismatic nature that had convinced him that she knew what she was doing and could get satisfactory results. Saren was both a Spectre and a turian and Garrus, like any other respectable turian, treated him as a coward and a traitor to his people. If Shepard had a chance to bring him down, he wanted to be a part of it._

_Shepard had seemed so infallible to him then, in those early days, always sure that whatever she was doing was right, not just for herself or for her species but for the galaxy as a whole. To outsiders, she probably looked like nothing more than an idealist but to Garrus she was pragmatic and determined. She wanted to use the bureaucratic system to her advantage rather than work against it as he had often wanted to do. It was inspiring to watch her strategies play out to fruition and it wasn't long before the rebellious turian was looking up to the human military officer for guidance. He had never told her how much he had respected and admired her methods and didn't suspect she would have show much of a reaction even if he had. The admiration slowly grew into something more over time as he worked closely with Shepard and her team on their mission to stop the Reaper invasion._

_She had even helped him with a somewhat personal matter that even C-Sec had previously botched up. When he had thanked her afterwards for taking the time to help out a single member of her squad, she had shrugged her shoulders casually and said that was her job. As a leader, she was responsible for taking care of her followers and making sure they were well-equipped and ready to deal with the bigger fight to come. He couldn't tell if she had a personal interest in his welfare or not but she had always been willing to have small conversations. She was always willing to listen to his opinions on a wide variety of subjects, unlike the rest of the SSV Normandy's crew. Maybe she was just trying to make him feel comfortable. She never did say much about herself but that was just how Shepard was; she was a woman of action, not words. _

_In their pursuit of Saren, the team had been forced to undergo several dangerous missions. The one on Virmire that involved stopping a genophage experiment that would have released a krogan army under Sovereign's control against the galaxy had been especially brutal. That mission had left Shepard without one of her human team-mates by the end of it. As far as Garrus could tell, Shepard's attitude hadn't changed, nor her resolve. She had had a sadden look to her for a few days but that had been all. Either she was accustomed to losing people under her command or she was incredibly skilled at pretending nothing had changed. Or maybe both. He wasn't sure if that should concern him or not regarding how Shepard valued the lives of her squad-mates. Had he been in her position then, he would have been a lot more emotional and swearing vengeance and plotting some rash, half-arsed offensive against Saren. But not Shepard, she always seemed to be completely focused on the mission at hand and expected the rest of her team do the same. _

_When they had pursued the conduit on Ilos, the device that would send the signal to the Citadel and allow the Reapers to invade, he hadn't expected to be chosen for Shepard's ground team. He was anxious to see what mysteries the old Prothean ruins held and noticed how irritated Liara had been about not being selected. Shepard had said it was too dangerous for the young asari scientist. In fact, her third team-member had been Lt. Kaidan Alenko but that wasn't hard to figure out. There had been rumours amongst the Alliance crew that there was some sort of relationship brewing between the lieutenant and the commander for quite awhile. Shepard and Alenko had denied it but something about their mannerisms towards each other on Ilos had spoken volumes of just how close they had been._

_Admittedly, it was the most stressful mission before the final confrontation with Saren and Sovereign on the Citadel. Garrus could only guess how two humans of opposite gender would have handled the stress and the rumours after the mission had all but confirmed it. It hadn't bothered him much at the time, it really made a lot of sense actually. His own relationship with Shepard at the time was one of soldier and commanding officer, maybe with a hint of mentor and student given the sort of advice she gave him from time to time. But Alenko and Shepard had served together in the Alliance for several years, he was only one rank below her, and they were both biotics so they had much in common. Garrus was just glad that the commander was happy and never mentioned the subject around her._

_After his own close relations with her, however, it made him wonder what state her relationship with Kaidan had been in then. There were certainly parallels between her past relationship with Kaidan and her current relationship with Garrus but he couldn't figure out an appropriate way to broach the subject. Later, Shepard would run into Kaidan again on Horizon but the encounter hadn't gone to her liking. Kaidan had hugged her in greeting and told her he loved her but Shepard hadn't done the same in return. Once Kaidan began to complain about Shepard's relationship with Cerberus, Garrus had spoken up in her defence. Kaidan couldn't have cared as much for her as he claimed and Shepard had said afterwards that whatever relationship they had had was over at that point. She hadn't seemed too upset by it, almost as if she had expected it to end that way. Perhaps there had never been a real relationship beyond friends-with-benefits between the two humans as far as she was aware. _

* * *

Garrus hoped he wasn't becoming nothing more than Kaidan's replacement but Shepard was always hard to read. She rarely expressed her emotions or opinions unless it was necessary, preferring to see how others reacted first. She was always strategising a situation, looking for strengths and weaknesses. It was a quality that Garrus both appreciated and felt frustrated by. What were her feelings regarding him? When had she decided to take such a keen interest in her turian squad-mate? What was she looking for? For that matter, what was _he_ looking for and when had Shepard began to be so important to him? Again, he found himself thinking back.

* * *

_He had been so relieved to see Shepard emerge from the wreckage of the Council's tower on the Citadel after having bested Saren and thwarting the Reapers' plans. Of course, the first person to congratulate her had been Kaidan. He had hugged and kissed her right there in front of everyone. She seemed too shaken by the ordeal of fighting to care and afterwards she had given Garrus a hug for his part in the victory. He hadn't thought much of it then, probably because he was just relieved that they had all survived but later he wished he had treasured that gesture more. _

_The month after the Battle of the Citadel had brought devastating news to the turian. Garrus had reluctantly tried to move on with his life after helping Shepard with her mission and had decided to try and pursue a career as a Spectre. Shepard had inspired him enough and he felt he had a real chance at making it work. But when the extranet vids began to talk about the disappearance of the SSV Normandy and reports began to come in suggesting that Shepard had been considered KIA by the System Alliance, everything in Garrus' life began to unravel all over again. _

_At first, he tried to dismiss the claims as some sort of twisted propaganda but when his attempts to contact other members of the SSV Normandy's crew failed he began to worry about the truth. It wasn't until much later that he realised that all of his fellow squad-mates had taken different paths after the Citadel battle and it was impossible to reach any of them. Even if he had, none of them would have known what happened to Shepard except Liara perhaps. He was unwilling to accept that she was dead but he had no evidence of the contrary. What little motivation he had to work on the Citadel had left him and he wandered aimlessly towards the chaotic Terminus Systems looking for some new purpose to follow._

_He couldn't remember what exactly had led him to Omega, he had just wanted to be as far away from Citadel space as possible. Not only had the Alliance listed Shepard as dead, but the very Council she had rescued a month before was utterly convinced that the Reaper threat had been taken care of. They didn't even acknowledge the existence of the machine-like aliens and claimed the Citadel attack had been nothing more than an act of war by Saren and the geth that followed him. But Garrus and anyone else that had been aboard the SSV Normandy knew the threat was much bigger than that. With Shepard gone, the galaxy had no hope of stopping the Reapers, the Conduit had only been useful at delaying the inevitable. _

_Figuring the galaxy was operating on borrowed time, the restless turian decided that the best he could do was make the most of what time remained. Maybe he could do a bit of good before the end came. Or that's what he had told himself after he had gotten stuck on Omega anyway. Initially he was just running away. Shepard was gone and everything she had done while alive had been in vain. There was no hope left to hold onto. Everything he believed in had been shattered, ripped asunder. A small piece of him had died with her that day though he hadn't realised it at the time. _

_He had intended to spend very little time on Omega, just enough to get his bearings and figure out what he'd do next. But he quickly found the lawless world to be captivating, in its own sick, twisted sort of way. It didn't help that he no longer had enough funds to afford a ride off the station once he was there. He saw lots of innocent people being taken advantage or exploited by the various gangs and merc bands that operated on the station. Ironically, part of him began to miss the influence of C-Sec, a world without laws was worse than one with laws buried in a sea of red-tape. But he wouldn't have gone back to the Citadel, even if he could, people needed help on Omega and he had learned from the best. Shepard had always helped those in need in her travels, she was a natural leader and wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty for the right reasons. Besides, he needed something to do and wasn't ready to face the world completely on his own. _

_Many of the people on Omega could take care of themselves but they struggled when the odds were stacked against them. Very few people could survive entirely on their own. If nothing else, the suffocating atmosphere of corruption and decay would drive any single good-natured person mad. Garrus didn't consider himself to be very good-natured but he had spent most of his life in the military and serving as an agent for C-Sec so that probably placed him high on the morality metre according to Omega's standards. _

_It wasn't long before he was pushing back against the criminals that intentionally preyed on the weak. With his proficiency as a sniper, he was able to handle tougher odds than the average thug or mercenary and he quickly began to earn a reputation. Reputations on Omega granted power and soon he found himself assembling a squad of like-minded individuals. The first member to join his cause had been another turian named Sidonis. The pair hadn't gotten along well at first but Sidonis had valuable connections and experience with the important personalities around the station and Garrus knew the value of knowing all the right people. The rest of the squad was a mixture of men and women of various species, all with their own useful skills and talents. It was slowly beginning to feel similar to the squad Garrus had served with on the Normandy, minus the presence of a charismatic leader. _

_He tried desperately to stop thinking about Shepard so that he could focus on the various tasks his group embarked on. But one particular conversation with Sidonis had stood out to him. Garrus had kept all of his squad-mates at arm's length, he wasn't there to be their friend and the other turian had began to take offense to being shut out. _

_"Damn it, Garrus Vakarian. I can't figure you out," Sidonis had said._

_"What's there to figure out?" Garrus had said back._

_"You used to be a cop, right? So what are you doing in the Terminus Systems? Shouldn't you be out enjoying your paycheck and all the luxury that comes with it?"_

_"The Citadel isn't all glitz and glamour, you know. And my reasons for being here are none of your damn business."_

_"You can pull that act against the humans and the others but you're not fooling me. I can tell you've lost something."_

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_"It's just something you pick up on after living out here for so long. There are two ways people who are hurting tend to behave: either they give up or they pick themselves up and find some new cause to believe in. I think you've done the latter, I just can't figure out what brought you here is all."_

_"Already told you: none of your damn business."_

_"So you're running away from something, is that it? You lost something you can't get back and now you're trying to make your life matter. Helping the innocent and all that. Well, aren't you a bloody hero! You do realise your actions affect the rest of us, right? Don't we deserve to know what you're fighting for? Your reckless actions are going to get us all killed one day."_

_"No one says you have to stick around, Sidonis. If you don't like how I do things, feel free to leave."_

_"And get shot in the back for it? No way. Besides, I see potential in you. You're going places. Every good leader needs a confidante, right?"_

_"What do you know about good leadership?"_

_"I know it's better to be the one in charge than to be cannon fodder."_

_"What are you trying to imply? I'm not putting you in charge. And I don't want any of your advice. I knew a good leader once, she was...she was good at what she did and I'm not going to let her down."_

_"Oh? Is this the thing you lost then? A girl. All this vigilantism over some girl? Some leader she was if she ended up dead."_

_Garrus hadn't risen to the bait in the conversation, he had simply let it go. The comment amused him later when Shepard had met Sidonis, right before he had killed the traitorous bastard. Just some girl, indeed. She was worth fighting for, he would do whatever it took to honour her memory even if the rest of the galaxy wasn't doing the same. _

_But Sidonis had been right about one thing: Garrus had managed to get the whole squad killed. Not directly, of course, but any turian that didn't take responsibility for those they led wasn't worthy of being a turian at all. When he had been pinned down by the three mercenary groups afterwards, he had figured he was getting what he deserved. He let his team down, he had been so easily betrayed by Sidonis and it had cost him everything he had built over those last few months. He had been resigned to his fate, ready for the inevitable end. But Garrus was stubborn and determined to see justice served, even when the odds were against him._

_He could scarcely believe it when he looked through his scope and saw a woman with N7 armour standing across the bridge from where he had set up for his last stand. She was accompanied by two individuals wearing Cerberus uniforms, it couldn't possibly have been who he thought it was. A few minutes had passed as she worked her way towards him, killing any mercenaries that were in her path. Even if it wasn't Shepard, she wasn't helping the mercs out so that made her a potential ally. Once she had reached him and removed her helmet, showing off her familiar fiery hair and those dangerous cool eyes, he knew who she was._

_He had been ready to atone for his mistakes then, ready to go down fighting and end the misery he had created. The locals had given him the nickname Archangel. But when he saw Shepard standing there before him, her arms open wide ready to embrace her old friend, he felt like she was more deserving of the the nickname than he was. Had she been sent to rescue him or to take him away? It had been two years since they had last seen one another, she hadn't changed at all. But he had. _

_Casually, he had declined the offered hug from the commander and gone straight to talking business. He could hear the worry and concern in her voice, humans were notoriously bad at reading turian body language but Shepard knew him too well. He didn't need her worrying over him though. Shepard and her squad helped him fend off the next few waves of mercs and for a few long minutes everything was beginning to feel normal again. With Shepard charging in to engage the enemies at close-range, setting them up for Garrus to take some easy headshots, he nearly had forgotten the last two years altogether. _

_And then that damn gunship had came back after being repaired. Garrus had been caught in the open while Shepard had been safely hiding behind a nearby wall. Separated, he tried to keep the gunship busy but when he had looked over his shoulder to make sure Shepard was safe, he had left himself vulnerable. Once again, emotions had gotten in the way and nearly gotten him killed. What a cruel twist of fate it would have been to be rescued by Shepard in his time of need, only to die a few minutes later. At least he would have seen her again, one last time. _

_He vaguely remembered her holding onto him while her companions had tried to staunch his gaping wound. Before he blacked out entirely, he remembered looking up at her blue eyes and hearing her calling his name, urging him to hang on. She looked frantic and scared, it was the only time he could recall seeing fear in her. But he had let enough people down lately and he wasn't going to do the same to her. The only thing he had regretted was not accepting that hug that she had been willing to give him earlier. _

_Afterwards, aboard the new Normandy SR-2, things began to go back to normal in his life. Shepard was doing what she did best: preparing her crew for a big fight against terrible odds. Their enemy wasn't the Reapers this time, it was a mysterious race called Collectors that were working for the Reapers. Garrus didn't know much about them, nobody really did, but he had heard rumours regarding their strange requests on Omega. He had assumed they were common slavers like the batarians but when he actually encountered them on the battlefield, he realised just how dangerous they were with their strange technology. _

_He had been reluctant to work with Cerberus, having heard similar rumours about them as the Collectors with their interest in strange experiments and their pro-human agenda, but Shepard had made it clear that she was the one in charge on the Normandy and that was good enough for him. He could tell she had similar thoughts regarding Cerberus but hadn't realised just how glad she was to have someone she already knew and trusted aboard. That would come up later, along with the conversations that would lead to their current relationship situation. Supposedly Cerberus had been responsible for bringing Shepard back to life and they had helped patch his own wounds so maybe they weren't entirely bad. _

_He had gone on several missions with the commander, more than he could count. Her new squad was nearly double the size of the old one. There were men and women from almost every sentient species and even one mysterious geth that they had recovered on a derelict Reaper vessel. They had initially started off with trying to figure out what the Collectors were up to and why they had taken an interest in humanity. Their first encounter with the Collectors had been on Horizon and there they met the being that called itself Harbinger. Harbinger was the leader of the Collectors and he had taken an unsettling personal interest in Shepard. They never did figure out what Harbinger was truly after and part of Garrus was relieved that they hadn't. After all the other disturbing revelations they had found, it was safe to assume that whatever Harbinger wanted was definitely bad for everyone. _

_The Collectors actually turned out to be a heavily mutated version of the Protheans, slaves of their conquerors and they were harvesting humans for their Reaper overlords. Shepard hated working with Cerberus but she couldn't ask the System Alliance for help outside of Alliance space, even if she had been reinstated as a Spectre. The council took no interest in helping her either and Cerberus provided all the resources they needed without question. It was an uneasy alliance of convenience but Garrus was glad to be back on Shepard's team. _

* * *

And in between all of those missions, Shepard had taken a keen interest in him. They had fought side by side so many times and been through a lot together. He had started off looking up to Shepard as a superior but now found himself on equal footing with her. Never could he have predicted that that relationship would have become something beyond soldier and commander. But it had, somehow.

Tired of pacing back and forth, Garrus decided he should do more with his time than reminiscing about the past. He reached over to turn on his computer terminal to check for any incoming messages from the extranet. He situated himself in the corner of his bed with his knees pulled up close to prop the device up on and took a casual look at the latest feed. The distraction didn't last long, however.

He was still too confused to focus on much else. After Tali's death, Shepard had sought him out for comfort and he had happily given it. He doubted Shepard realised that he was hurting too, Tali had been the only other dextro-based life form on the ship and she had seen just as much action with Shepard as Garrus had. The three of them were closer than any of the rest of the team. When he held the mourning Shepard in his arms, it had been just as much for his benefit as for hers. And that had been the last time they had touched one another. It had only been a day or so ago but in that short period of time, Shepard had told him he was no more important to her than any other soldier. The sudden shift in her behaviour had left him perplexed and anxious. He was convinced that he had said something idiotic to the commander on Omega but couldn't figure out what it was.

As if on cue, just then he saw Shepard's mop of red hair poking in from the edge of the door. She caught sight of him watching her and stopped, leaning casually against the door frame and not quite entering the room proper.

"I thought maybe you'd be in the middle of some calibrations," she greeted him with a nervous laugh.

"I'm always here if you need me," he said with sincerity though he didn't move from where he was sitting and he didn't invite her in. He was still a bit sore about what she had said earlier and wanted her to realise that without having to actually say so.

She folded her arms and sighed, "Yeah, OK. I deserve that. So, can we talk now at least?"

_Now she wants to talk, of course_, he thought to himself. At least she was making a bit of an effort. "What do we need to talk about?" he asked in an innocent tone, knowing now just how evasive she could be.

She ran one of her hands through her hair in that absent, human sort of way, "About..._you know_."

"Shepard, either get to the point or stop wasting both of our time," he said impatiently.

"Oh, I'm sorry... if now isn't a good time, I can go. You look busy, anyway," she looked away from him as if she were about to run off again but part of her must have realised there was no way to escape this time.

"Shepard."

"Right," she looked down at her feet then up at the ceiling, trying to avoid his glance. Eventually she gave up and took a step into the room. She closed the door behind her once she was inside, to prevent the temptation to leave and to give them some privacy but she didn't stray far from the door's access panel. Garrus simply went back to looking at his terminal, while she tried to gather herself together.

"I've had some time to think and there are some things I, uh, just need to get off my chest. You don't need to say anything, just hear me out," she began after a long, deep breath, "Some of the stuff I said to you on Omega...some of it was true, some of it wasn't. But none of it was meant to hurt you and I know saying that now doesn't make it better but... Ugh, I'm really bad at this sort of thing.

Hand me a gun or a grenade and I'm fine. I'm even pretty good with academic stuff. But emotions and feelings? That's not something they trained me for and maybe I'm just a little less empathic than most other humans. I don't know. Maybe it's because of my upbringing back on Ea- you know what, that's not important right now. These are all excuses and you haven't done anything wrong. If nothing else I say makes any sense, please remember that.

Garrus, I care about you in a way that I've never cared about anyone before. Not even Kaidan. Usually I get excited when I discover something new but this...sensation, or whatever it's called, it's strange and it frightens me a bit. No, let me rephrase that. The idea of having a relationship frightens me. Any kind of close relationship, really. It's not you it's me... god damn it, that sounds so cliché."

She began pacing around the room just as he had done earlier but didn't get too close to where he was sitting.

"I think I know what's wrong. Most relationships start with two people getting to know each other _before_they have sex, not the other way around. And given my total lack of understanding of relationships in general, maybe I've totally screwed up here."

She stopped briefly to look over at him, he was about to say something but she cut him off.

"Look, I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is, that night was special to me and if we want to have more like it then...then you're going to have to be patient with me. I'm not an easy person to love, Garrus. I didn't grow up knowing what that feels like.

Hell, I've been fairly stoic my entire life so the concept of emotions in general is already strange enough. Throw some hormones into the mix and everything gets super complicated. I've always been a soldier, that's all I understand.

Do you remember when you said I can make you nervous but never uncomfortable? I think that's how I am feeling right now.

And I know it's weird. Why should it be weird? We've been good friends for awhile now. I don't want to jeopardise that. If things, you know, don't work out... I don't want either of us getting hurt.

I guess what I really wanted to ask was: can we start over? Maybe with the whole 'getting to know you' thing this time?"

He looked up from his terminal, totally unsure of how to deal with a nervous Shepard. She had shown so many emotions lately that he had never seen before, maybe she was just as confused as he was. One of them needed to take matters into their own hands, however, or nothing was bound to happen between them.

"If this is all too much...don't trouble yourself on my account," Garrus said, perhaps with more bitterness than he wanted.

"I'm _really_ sorry for what I said on Omega," she blurted out as she stepped closer to where he sat. "I hate that place. It brings out the worse in people. And do you know...Aria thinks we're already in a relationship and she's pretty jealous."

"She said that, really? I wonder which of us she is more jealous of," he mused.

"Doesn't matter," she placed a hand on top of his and noticed that the terminal screen he had been looking at the whole time was empty. He didn't say anything but appeared more relaxed than he had been earlier.

"Anyway, I'll let you get back to whatever it is you're not busy doing right now," she said, indicating his cheap distraction technique. "If you ever just want to talk, about whatever, when I'm off-duty... feel free to come up to my room, OK? I want to make this all up to you, somehow."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said in a neutral tone. She smiled slightly and pulled her hand away before turning to leave him alone again.

When she was gone, he simply shook his head in bewilderment. She had obviously came to clarify here position and make the situation between them feel less tense and awkward. On the contrary, he felt like everything had just gotten more complicated. He could take solace in knowing that he hadn't been the one to upset her but was still unable to figure out what was really wrong. Maybe she was right and they needed to start things fresh, though he had always thought they knew enough about one another. They were both soldiers after all, surely they had similar backgrounds.

And then it hit him: humans didn't join the military as early as turians did. Maybe there was something in her past, before her military career that had shaped her into the person she was now. But what sort of person didn't understand what love felt like? Hadn't she had a loving family that raised her, maybe a military father that she looked up to as he had looked up to his own father? He wasn't sure what he was supposed to take away from the conversation that had just transpired.

Then he remembered a conversation on the Citadel, shortly after he had joined Shepard's crew, with a turian general. General Septimus Oraka had been drowning his sorrows in a shady bar in the lower wards because some asari woman had rejected his affection. At the time, Garrus had been appalled that such an honorary figure could be brought down by the whims of a woman. How naive he had been then. If Shepard were to treat him the same way, he would have found himself in a similar state of mind as the old general. He was still unsure of what to do next but he was determined to be more successful than Septimus had been and if that meant giving Shepard some time and space, then he would do so. If the choice was between patience or rejection, he was more than happy to go with the former.

Were women really so hard to understand or was that just a trait of Shepard's?


	6. Chapter 6

"Commander?" Someone seemingly far away called out to the young human Spectre. The Spectre had managed to doze off near one of the consoles in the middle of the CIC during what was deemed the "nightshift" on deck. There were very few personnel around to disturb the ship's CO and she had only intended to rest her eyes for a few brief moments. She quickly forgot what had roused her and drifted back into the comfort of the nap's respite. A few seconds later, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she immediately came to with all of her senses awakening at once. Instinctively, she reached for the heavy pistol in the holster that should have been resting against her right hip for ease of access. Her hand touched only empty air and it took her a moment to realise why she had felt safe enough to be unarmed. 

"Sorry to wake you, Commander," the familiar voice of Doctor Chakwas said again. 

"I wasn't asleep," the commander said while trying to stifle a yawn, "What's wrong? Are we under attack?" 

"No, no. Relax. You just fell asleep at your post again. I thought maybe you'd prefer to rest in your cabin rather than on a keypad all night," the doctor assured her in a soothing but concerned tone. Her hand remained resting gently on the commander's shoulder, having expected the other woman's instinctive reaction. In her other hand was a piping hot mug full of caf, a beverage that had been engineered to smell remarkably like coffee from Earth. Unfortunately, the liquid lacked the same exotic flavour. The smell was comforting and Shepard didn't hesitate to take the mug into her own hands once the doctor offered it to her. 

"How long was I out for?" the red-haired woman asked after taking a cautious first sip of the caf brew. Her caution came out of habit, the mug was at the appropriate drinking temperature as was usual on the Normandy SR-2. She had to hand it to Cerberus, they didn't provide burning hot beverages to their operatives. If only everything else about them could have been so predictable and harmless. 

"Only a few hours this time. I didn't want to disturb you. You get so little rest these days," Dr. Chakwas answered casually. 

"A few _hour_s? How embarrassing," Shepard sighed and took another sip of the energising drink. 

"I worry about you, Shepard. Ever since we came back through the Omega-4 relay, you've been working yourself too hard," the doctor said for what felt like the umpteenth time that week to the commander. 

"I know, I know," Shepard said dismissively, hoping to avoid another lecture on the subject. 

"You've earned some downtime since our victory, don't you think? Why do you insist on denying yourself what you need most right now. Please relax, your body will thank you later," Chakwas continued in a maternal voice. 

"I've never been particularly good at relaxing," the other woman said coolly. Her grey-blue eyes were more on the grey side that evening and her exhaustion was plain for anyone to see. 

"Have you even tried?" the doctor's green eyes expressed their concern. 

"The last time I felt relaxed was when- . Just before we went through the relay. _You know_..." she left the thought hanging in the air as she tried to busy herself with an overly long sip of caf. She deftly avoided the raised eyebrow on Chakwas' face. 

"Right, of course. Well, look. You're not going to miss anything if you go to bed now. There hasn't been any new information about Collector or geth movements in the last few days and I'm sure if something comes up, you'll be the first person to be informed," the good doctor said with finality, patting the commander on the back before walking off. She wasn't going to linger around to make sure Shepard followed her advice but Shepard felt obligated to heed her words all the same. 

When the commander entered her quarters, she noticed the the amber light on her computer terminal blinking in the darkness. She brightened the overhead lights a bit before settling down behind her desk to see what messages she had just received. Without her Alliance clearance, she wasn't able to receive priority status on extranet bursts so it took a few days to send and receive messages. Though her Spectre status should have overridden that fact, the Council hadn't been keen to acknowledge her reinstatement publicly and in private they hadn't been any more useful. Shepard was in Terminus space now, she could only rely safely on her own crew.

She had sent a message to Councillor Anderson shortly after coming back through the Omega-4 relay and had sent a blind-copy of the same message to Admiral Hackett's personal e-mail. They were about the only two people she could trust in Citadel space but her message had been deliberately vague to allude any would-be eavesdroppers. 

The message had read simply: 

_Dealt with your problem in the Terminus system. Colonies should be safe now. Kidnappings were done by the Collectors. Collectors ended up being heavily mutated Protheans, agents of the Reapers. Blew up their homeworld. Still unsure if we got them all. _

_If any remaining Collector vessels are found, do not engage. Repeat: do not engage. Conventional weapons and armour will not work. Need special cannons, which we have. Alert me immediately of the coordinates for any Collector vessels, attaching their ship signature for easy identification, and we'll deal with them. Make sure everyone travelling in Terminus space heeds this warning. _

_Also, may have dealt a major blow against the geth. Shouldn't be bothering anyone now. Will inform Migrant Fleet of this information. Please let us know if geth activity doesn't decrease. _

_Finally, Reapers are still a threat, don't forget._

_Constant vigilance,_  
_Shepard_

_PS: No longer working for Cerberus, had a falling out with the Illusive Man. We should find a more secure way to communicate in the future._

She had purposely not included her rank or title of Spectre when signing the note but wasn't sure if Anderson or Hackett would have noticed. They would have both considered her note to be an informal message from a friend. But it meant more to her, technically she was no longer an officer in the Alliance and her Spectre status was practically nonexistent. If anything, her crew should probably start to address her as captain as that was the only role she really filled any more. Perhaps if the Alliance hadn't listed her as KIA she would have been promoted to captain officially anyway. 

In the last burst sent from Omega's comm buoy, Shepard had only been told that her messages had been received. She didn't really expect any responses right away, at least not from Anderson where C-Sec or even Cerberus could have been listening in. But she half-hoped that Hackett would have had something to say, anything was better than silence. The only incoming message was indeed from the Admiral but it was incredibly brief: 

_Thank you, Shepard. Knew we could count on you. We owe you._  
_- Admiral Hackett_

She frowned at the response. Why had he bothered to send anything at all? At least he hadn't referred to her as Commander, maybe he had caught her subtle hint after all. Or maybe he didn't feel comfortable saying too much. Hadn't she used his private address? If the high-ranking Admiral didn't even feel safe enough to disclose information privately, then the political situation in Alliance space must be getting tense. Maybe Cerberus had been stirring everyone up while she had been conveniently out of the Alliance's way. 

After checking that she had no other messages, Shepard reached over to turn on the small kettle that was settled in the corner of the desk unit. The caf had been invigorating and aromatic but she could still feel it's lingering, stale taste in her mouth and was keen to wash it down with some proper coffee. While the kettle heated the water to the appropriate temperature, she browsed the extranet to keep up-to-date on current events in Citadel space. It wasn't quite the same as reading a physical newspaper but print media was difficult to find in space, especially in non-Alliance space. 

She had received a few local messages from Aria's suppliers informing her that some of their goods had been safely stored on Omega station and were waiting for retrieval. Shepard was waiting for the final shipments to come in before she took care of that bit of business, however. Best to get everything all at once instead of piece by piece. 

By the time the kettle had finished and Shepard had settled down with her cup of proper, Earth-grown coffee, her door was beeping at her for attention. She assumed it must have been Doctor Chakwas coming up to make sure that Shepard was taking care of herself. She probably wouldn't have been thrilled to see that Shepard was drinking more stimulants instead of resting in her bed. Shepard had already had an adequate rest earlier and was ready to stay up for the remainder of the night. Reluctantly, she told the door to open and prepared to give a kind, but stern, order to the doctor to leave her alone. 

"Commander," came a male, turian voice. Shepard was momentarily caught off-guard. It had been a week since she had talked to him at any great length. They had occasionally bumped into one another and exchanged a few comments or jokes here or there but so far Garrus hadn't taken her up on her request. Suddenly Shepard felt a bit anxious but she was still happy to see him. 

"Come on in, Garrus," she said warmly. He had politely waited by the door for a proper invitation before coming inside. Always such a gentlemen. "What can I do for you?" 

"I'm not sure. Couldn't sleep. Never did adjust well to human hours," he began casually. "I guess it's late for you, isn't it?" 

"Doesn't matter, I wasn't planning on going to sleep any time soon," she assured him. "Been having trouble sleeping all week, actually." 

"Yeah." he agreed. She got the impression he had wanted to say more but nothing else came. A slightly awkward moment of silence fell over the room then. 

"I just made a cup of coffee. Kettle's still warm if you want some?" she tried to break the silence but then realised her error, "Or.. can you _have _coffee? I'm not sure which things are safe for both species." 

"Is it anything like that disgusting caf that everyone drinks around here? That stuff smells alright but tastes terrible," he said with a slight laugh. 

"Oh, it's much better than that. It's the real deal, from Earth." 

"Ah. It's probably levo-based then so not a good idea." 

"Right, sorry. Maybe I could find something else.. oh, that tea from Thessia that Liara always liked. I still have some of that." 

"That should be OK, most asari stuff is safe." 

"It must be annoying when most of the other species have levo-based DNA." 

"It's not so bad. You get used to it. Most of the stuff on the Citadel is dextro-friendly. Over time you just sort of adapt and build up a tolerance for levo-proteins. Can't get anything useful from them but at least you're not likely to die of food poisoning.. not right away, anyway. Besides, it's very popular for turians to pair up with asari partners these days so it makes good business sense to cater to both palettes." 

"Are inter-species couples really that common? I don't think I've ever heard of any human-turian couples." 

"That's probably because there really haven't been any. Our generation is the first to be born after the First Contact War, there's still a bit of resentment on both sides. 

As for the asari, you can always tell when one has a turian parent. The scientists all say that any resemblance that an asari shares with her father is just coincidence, but sometimes you can just tell. They usually have the same markings or tattoos as their turian fathers. And generally they are more honest and duty-bound than other asari. Except for that Spectre we killed on Illium." 

"Tela Vasir? How could you tell she was half-turian.. or whatever it's called?" 

"The shape of her fringe mostly gave it away." 

"Tea's ready. Why don't we sit somewhere more comfortable?" Shepard poured another mugful of water and added a tea bag then offered it to him. Their fingers touched briefly when he received it. She picked up her own mug and moved over to the lounge area of the room and picked a spot on the smaller of the two sofas. 

"Sure, if you don't mind having me here," he said a bit shyly before following her. 

"I invited you to come up any time, remember?" 

"Yeah, I know. But if you don't have anything more important to do then..I guess I can stick around for a bit." 

Shepard gave him a quizzical look then from the other side of the lounge. They weren't sitting too close and his mannerisms showed a slight hint of nervousness. 

"This is silly, we've been friends for how long now? Surely we can handle drinks and a bit of conversation without all the extra pleasantries," she said as she reached over to place a reassuring hand on his leg. It wasn't a suggestive gesture, just a friendly one meant to calm him down. "So..what would you like to talk about?" 

Garrus looked about the room and took in the decor a bit more than he had the last time he had been there. He saw very few embellishments, everything was clean and generic. The only obvious decoration was a sword on display on one of the walls near her bed. It had a slightly curved appearance and the blade was covered in an ornate sheath. The size and shape reminded him a great deal of a ceremonial sword that was favoured by turian generals with ancestors that had fought in the Unification Wars. The sword was probably an expensive replica from Earth though he couldn't figure out when Shepard would have had the time or means to obtain such an object. 

When he had originally entered the room, he had noticed that the shelving unit by Shepard's desk had a wide assortment of physical, hard-back and paper-back books on display. He had never seen so many actual books outside of a museum and figured they must have been quite rare. Another set of shelves held a few stacks of OSDs that had been clearly labelled and organised. He assumed the disks must contain various vids that Shepard found interesting and worth holding onto though such data could have been easily accessed by her terminal. Physical copies indicated she valued them highly or that they were back ups of material that was hard to find on the extranet. 

Looking in the direction of her desk, he nodded, "You have quite the library there, Shepard." 

"I enjoy reading. Real books are so much more pleasurable to curl up with than a clunky computer terminal. Though I can think of other enjoyable things to curl up with," she said suggestively, still sitting at the other end of the lounge from her turian partner. 

"What sort of stuff do you enjoy reading about?" he asked with genuine interest, totally ignoring her last remark. 

"The vast majority of what I have is non-fiction, historical accounts and biographies. Mostly human history but I've been branching out into works by the other Council races. 

It's so hard to find actual books outside of Alliance space though. Expensive, too, but that didn't used to be a problem when Cerberus was financing our mission. If they were so keen to use me, then I was going to get something for my trouble, right? 

There's a few fictional stories in the mix, childhood favourites. Adventure stories and the like. All old stuff, pre-22nd century, nothing that kids would read nowadays. Not as many of those as my usual material, I'm a bit too grown up for tales of knights in shining armour now. 

Now I tend to read about long forgotten wars and the people who fought them. Much more tragic and definitely less romantic. But more practical and useful. Every good soldier should understand the necessity of war. It keeps things in perspective, reminds us what we signed on for. 

But I guess turians would understand that pretty well, your whole society is based around military service and the Hierarchy." 

"That's true but we don't go around seeking out war or conflict for the sake of it. We never strike the first blow. The Hierarchy is fast and efficient and no one questions their decisions. Well, no one except those rebels on Taetrus but they got what was coming to them in the end." 

"I remember reading about that. From what I can tell, civil war hasn't been very common since the Unification Wars." 

"It's not, but we have a lot of colonies now. Too many, some would argue. And we've absorbed a lot of ideas from other cultures, especially from humans. People think humans are rising to prominence too fast but turians aren't far behind." 

"I don't know what the big deal is, does any one species need to be at the top? When the Reapers come.. we will all have to stand up and fight. Together." 

"Your people still have a lot to learn about Council politics and culture. It will take a miracle to unite everyone for one common goal, especially one that the Council denies." 

"I know." 

She noticed that both their drinks were empty then, "More tea?"

"Sure, but only if you were about to get up anyway."

She smiled and walked back over to turn the kettle on. She had more messages coming through on her terminal but had no dire need to read them just then. It felt nice to be able to just talk to someone about her own interests for once, strange how rarely that happened in her life. Most people were either too intimidated or simply uninterested in knowing her on a personal level. Her reluctance to talk about herself unless pressed didn't help but she felt unusually relaxed in Garrus' company. She never felt like he was judging her.

"So what's the significance of the sword?" 

"Oh, that's a replica of the Honjo Masamune. I used to collect daggers and short swords, old hobby from before I joined the Alliance, but everything I had kind of disappeared along with the SSV Normandy. Always wanted to collect the bigger pieces but never had the space for it, you know? That piece was a bit of an indulgence when I realised just how empty the walls were in this room. 

At least I'm pretty sure it's a replica, the real one went missing two centuries ago just after the second World War on Earth. There's all sorts of stories and legends attached to the original. Goro Nyudo Masamune was probably the most famous swordsmith of all time, he made all his swords during the 13th and 14th centuries, really old stuff but many pieces are still around. They're collected of course but still could be used in combat nearly 10 centuries later. 

The Honjo Masamune first showed up in the 17th century, handed down from one ruler of the Tokugawa family to the next until it was lost for good. It's a highly sought after blade, supposedly one of Masamune's best works. I couldn't hope to ever see the original but this one is fairly close to the real thing." 

"You seem to have a real passion for combat, Shepard." 

"Fighting is when I feel the most alive," she sighed but it was the truth. Again she settled on the lounge beside him, this time a bit closer than before. They spent a few quiet moments savouring their beverages. Shepard wasn't sure how long he had been there, listening to her ramble on about her interests and hobbies but she felt no desire to go to sleep and hoped he wasn't becoming too bored.

"I can understand that but it seems to be _all _that interests you," he said at last. "Most people who find military history so interesting are either nostalgic war veterans who haven't moved on or historians. And you're neither of those, so what's with all the fascination?"

"History teaches us the lessons of the past," she said after she she thought about his question for a moment. "Haven't you ever wondered why its broken up by the periods of war instead of the times of peace? War is society's greatest teacher. It forces us to evolve, to adapt, to change. Without it, we would stagnate and have no reason to develop better technology. Societies aren't perfect, there are no utopias in this galaxy."

"Lots of innocent people die in wars, Shepard. People suffer, families fall apart. There's a lot of pain and death to deal with."

"I'm not saying war is good. It's just inevitable. Civilisations rise and fall and we can either choose to make the most of tragic situations or we get left behind. I've lost soldiers under my command before. It hurts. I take full responsibility for those losses and I wouldn't wish that feeling onto anyone else, not even my enemies. I'm not a monster, I'm not inhumane. But I am practical and I will make the most of a dire situation. I will learn from my mistakes and those of others or their efforts and failures will have been in vain."

"You seek to atone for the mistakes of the past?"

"No, I seek to ensure we have a future."

"Do you think the Reapers can actually be stopped?"

"As far as I'm concerned, the Reapers are merely machines. They're not alive. They can't die. But they can be destroyed without mercy. This isn't a normal war; nobody is fighting over resources or a a just cause. It's either destroy or be destroyed. There won't be any diplomacy. No compromises. No surrender. Harbinger said that annihilation is what we face."

"That just sounds utterly hopeless."

"I'll figure something out. I have to. Nobody else is taking this fight seriously. Except for Cerberus, maybe, and their methods aren't any better than the enemy's. It's really up to us. There's no way around that."

"I'm not sure how a bunch of books and vids about primitive fighting techniques is supposed to help us."

"War doesn't change. Technology changes but the strategies are all the same. I might not hold the rank of general but if we want to have a fighting chance, then its best to know as much as possible and use that knowledge to our advantage. It's just a matter of staying so many steps ahead of your opponent.

Besides, I find the old ways of combat to be more interesting. In the old days, war meant a lot more; it was almost romantic. When you fight hand-to-hand, every blow can be your last and when you can see your opponent's face then you really know what you're up against. It drives home the point that you're mortal and vincible: but so is your enemy. There's room for honour and mercy."

"I don't think the Reapers care much about any of that. This will be the toughest fight we've ever seen. Even the Protheans failed and were enslaved."

"Don't worry so much. If we can unite all the sapient species, then the odds will tip heavily in our favour."

"I'm not worried. If anyone can stop them, it's the one woman who already conquered death itself."

"Yeah, I guess I got a second chance," she said quietly. A slight numbness overtook her as she remembered the feeling of being stranded, alone in space after watching the Normandy be destroyed from under her. It had been a horrible experience and she wished Cerberus had erased the memory of her own death from her mind. But they had wanted to keep all her memories intact, even the most painful ones. She still had nightmares from time to time of the whole ordeal. How many people could say they remembered suffocating to death and watching helplessly as everything they treasured most was obliterated in front of their eyes? Shepard had never talked about it with anyone and doubted she ever would. 

Garrus didn't press her for any more details on the matter but there was a sadness to his expression. Maybe he was remembering the moment he had heard the news about the Normandy's demise and Shepard's death. She had never really considered what the news might have meant to those close to her and a small piece of her felt guilty for what she had put them through. But Cerberus had brought her back to life, two years later, and she was thankful for their intervention. 

"It's getting late," she said then, though she had no idea what time it must have been. 

"I can go if you want." 

"Not unless you want to. I... I've really enjoyed just talking." 

"And I've enjoyed listening." 

"Hey... you know, we never did drink that wine from that one night...if you really want to stay up and listen to me prattle on, maybe we should open it?" 

"Sure." 

"How potent do you think this stuff is?" she reached over to examine the bottle, it was still sitting on the small stand by the lounge with two empty glasses waiting beside it. 

"It's not too bad...a little above average, would probably take 3 glasses for a turian to feel the effects." 

"Sounds good to me," she popped the top off and poured the first two glassfuls. 

After about the third glass, she was really beginning to feel the warmth of the liquor coursing through her body. It had a sweet flavour that kicked in several seconds after each sip. The aromatic scent was subtle but calming. The overall sensation was like being wrapped up in a thick blanket on a chilly day and she felt her nerves completely relax.

Shepard couldn't remember what they had talked about during those first few drinks. But she did remember the tale she told after the third. It was the only time she had ever told it. Somehow they had gotten onto the subject of their life stories, all the silly things they had done when they were younger. She didn't have much in the way of silliness to share but was finally comfortable enough to reveal her past. 

"My birthname was Leonia Shepard. I probably had a middle-name as well but never knew what it was. I don't know who either of my parents are or were and I don't care to know. About all I know is that I was born some where in Mexico City, on Earth on the 11th of April, 2154. 

It was a prosperous city but the divide between rich and poor was great. And I never experienced the rich side of town. Most people think of it as a tourist destination with tall, gleaming buildings full of exotic resorts. But beneath all that is the lower city, where the gangs and the undesirables of human society congregate. Nobody cares about them. It's hard to care about what you never see. The sunlight barely reached that level of the city. It was as if Sol itself was uninterested in our existence. 

I don't remember my early childhood very much, but somehow I survived it. Probably relied on charity and foster care to raise me until I was old enough to get by without their help. All I remember was having a terrible reputation. I never trusted anyone and had a strong love for sharp, pointy objects from a very young age. Those were my only reliable companions. 

I was collecting knives and learning how to use guns before I was 10 but that's what one does to survive. You have to learn to protect yourself because nobody is going to come in and rescue you when its just your life is on the line. I had a real nack for street-fighting, dirty fighting as some call it. I was small and lithe and quick with my hands. This naturally caught the attention of some of the smaller, roving bands of gangs who were looking for pickpockets to join their ranks. I didn't much care what I did as long as I got fed at the end of it. 

The only trouble I had was being taken seriously. Though I was Hispanic, I had red hair and blue eyes that instantly made me stand out in a crowd. You see, on Earth, Hispanics are generally dark haired with brown eyes and really smooth, olive skin. I had the right kind of skin but with red freckles that broke up the usual exotic appearance. It was obvious that I wasn't a purebred by any stretch of the imagination. I had to work harder than the other kids to prove what I was capable of. 

As you can imagine, gang children are a despicable bunch. They're racist, sexist, and completely intolerant of anyone who doesn't look or act like them. That's why they form gangs, right, to keep the qualities they like close at the exclusion of everyone else. It was a wonder that anyone wanted to have me around, and even when I was accepted into a group I was still treated with the same sort of xenophobia that the kids reserved for non-humans. But I couldn't keep living on my own, the streets were too harsh for any one child to last more than a few weeks without food and decent water. Gangs controlled all of those resources after all, as sparse as they were in the lower city. 

The mixture of my appearance and my gender worked against me from the onset. I quickly changed my name to Leo. It was a more masculine and tough sounding name than Leonia. Nobody called me Shepard in those days, we were always referred to by our first names. A lot of kids tried to give themselves foreign-sounding names to look cool but it just made them look ridiculous since anyone with an elementary understanding of human history would find their names laughable. Not that many of us were educated enough to care. But I liked Leo, it was simple and it didn't imply I was a woman. It was good enough. 

So I was in my first gang but can't even remember their name. It must have been something that sounded stupid. I didn't stay with them long, I kept most of what I managed to pickpocket and scavenge for myself. They didn't like that much and when they found out I was holding out on them..well, it was time to move on then. They were a hopeless bunch anyway. I moved from gang to gang after that, never staying with any one group too long. 

By the time I was in my early teen years, I had began to garner a reputation as someone not to be trifled with. Which suited me just fine. I mostly fought with knives and that scared most of the other kids who were used to cowering behind cover with their shoddy pistols that usually malfunctioned on them. I never killed anyone unless I had to, it was always in self-defence. I preferred to wound my opponents and get away fast before they could retaliate. 

Pretty soon a lot of the older gangs, the ones that had been around for several years anyway, not necessarily ones with older members, began to notice my talents. One day I saw one of the gang's leaders in a bind, didn't know who he was at the time, but he was being harassed by the local authorities and I helped out. The details don't matter but suffice it to say, I saved his life that day. He rewarded me with a prestigious position in his gang, the Reds. It wasn't the normal position that a new recruit would have filled so everyone was naturally jealous of the attention I was getting. 

Gangs always had loose hierarchies, similar to ranks in the military but not quite as defined. The higher up you were, the more respect you had and the more profit you were allowed to have. They didn't call it profit, they called it food or salvage, but essentially that's what it was all the same. It was more like a corporation than a military organisation. The fat cats sat at the top and the minions were at the bottom trying their best to reach the top some day by appeasing their superiors. It was a stupid structure but we were all kids and it was the only way we knew how to run things. 

The gang leader's name was Abel. He was a very charismatic man, I think he was 17 or so. Was the oldest member of the gang and he treated everyone like he was their father. A stern, hard-working father that expected the very best from his underlings. He was the most attractive and healthy looking gang member I had ever seen, looked as if he had stepped off an advertisement billboard or something. But nobody questioned him or his origins. 

Over time, I rose in ranks, so to speak. It was rumoured that Abel was going to make me his right-hand man, er, woman and this angered much of the gang. They had never grown to like me because of my headstart. They were just rumours but it was enough to stir everyone up and keep me on edge. I didn't know when they would strike out against me, only that they would. Every mission or outting I went on was a new, unsettling adventure. I always expected to be betrayed at the end of them. 

Nobody turned on me, however. Well, not until they found Abel's dead body one morning. He had been slashed with some sort of knife and of course everyone instantly assumed I had done it. I hadn't, I had no reason to work against him but the rest of the Reds didn't want to hear arguments of logic. I had no allies left so I ran away in the middle of the night. 

On my own again, I vowed to start my own gang and put an end to the lesser gangs who preyed on vulnerable children and never gave them the chance to make something of themselves. It was going to be called the Guardians and I had all sorts of half-cracked ideas about fighting for justice and righting wrongs. 

Kids on the streets should be working together, not against each other. Resources were far and few between, we just needed to get rid of the groups who were greedy. No more of this stupid corporate ladder crap. Everyone needed a fair go, everyone needed a chance to survive and potentially prosper later. 

They were the ideas of an idealist but I was ready to turn a new page and start my life over. The fear of betrayal had twisted me so much and made me paranoid. Even with my new gang, I wouldn't let anyone get too close to me, I'd still not trust anyone completely. I would be the sole leader and everyone would just have to like it or leave. 

So I began to recruit the best and brightest that I could find, which wasn't many. Slowly we became a competitive outfit. The Guardians understood my philosophy and were more than willing to carry out my ideas. In fact, while I trusted them very little, they trusted me a great deal. Too much, actually. I never realised I was a natural leader before then, I didn't know I had the innate ability to make people follow me and cling to every word I said as if it was some sort of prophetic speech. 

And when I realised how much power I had over these individuals and how willing they were to sacrifice themselves for my personal benefit.. I got scared. Most people relish holding that kind of power or sway over others. Not me. At first it was useful, I was able to really grow the gang into something unique. But it didn't feel right. It never felt right to hold the puppet strings in my hands. I saw my leadership as more of curse than a blessing though my followers would have seen it the other way around. 

Eventually on one of our missions to procure more food, we ran into one of the other gangs that I had ran with before. Not the Reds, can't remember their name now. They were falling apart, there were bigger gangs then absorbing the smaller ones and this particular group was one of the smaller groups that still clung to their old beliefs and wanted to be left alone. Anyway, we got into a bit of a fight over who should get the food, they were there first but we had them outnumbered. I was never a fan of inter-gang politics or the stupid turf wars that went on but I had to what was best for the Guardians then and we were low on food. I tried to compromise with the other group but while doing so, one of the larger gangs moved in. Their leader said they were going to take the food unless we stopped them. I tried to get the smaller group to join with us but they were scared and refused. The bigger gang's leader said I should just kill off the leader of the smaller gang and absorb his group into my own. Then he'd leave me alone without even a fight. I think he just wanted some violence to entertain him, his gang didn't need the food at all. Anyway, when I refused to kill the other gang leader, the big gang threatened to attack and they outnumbered us. So I took out my blade and did as the big gang leader wished. I killed the lesser gang's leader in front of everyone. The other leader just laughed and left us alone after that. 

I felt terrible, as I said, I had ran with the smaller gang before though I didn't feel much attachment to the group or the leader I had killed. I had never sought violence or killed anyone in cold blood before that day. I hadn't even wanted to do what I had done but I had to be a protector. I had to be a leader, I had to make the tough decision and take on the consequences and responsibility that came with it. The whole situation freaked me out, if I was willing to kill for the sake of amusing some other leader, what was I turning into? 

Living in a gang had been about survival. Sure I committed a few petty crimes here or there or hurt people, but overall I was just getting by. I wasn't malicious, I didn't enjoy violence the way others did. I just wanted to live to see another day. I saw myself slipping. When I looked at that body, of the young kid I had killed, I was horrified. We were just children killing one another over scraps of food and a place to live. We were little better than animals with the way we behaved. Of course we didn't know any better but that didn't make it right. 

I knew my life was going no where, I couldn't imagine a future. I expected my life would end one day with a knife in my back and that would be that. 

When I was 17, still leading the Guardians, I became fascinated with books. The old kind of books, made out of paper instead of their digital counterparts. I liked the smell at first but then when I started to read the actual words, I was immersed in worlds I could never have dreamed of. I taught myself to read of course so I wasn't able to understand the more advance stuff but I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. When I was on my own, I would hang around book shops that sat on the edge of the lower and middle city. My favourite books were adventure stories or ones about soldiers fighting in far off wars. They always seemed so romantic, fighting for some higher ideal and their lives seemed so simple. All they had to do was follow orders and get the job the done. 

I ran into an Alliance soldier one day and couldn't help but ask him all sorts of questions about what it must be like to serve humanity amongst the stars. He was impressed with my knowledge of classical literature, I hadn't had much access to newer material, and recommended that I talk to a recruiter. I thought it was a silly idea, I had no proper education and had no chance of passing any sort of tests that the Alliance would have asked me to do. I told my gang about the experience and they all encouraged me to try, just to see what the Alliance would say. It was some sort of joke or prank to them but part of me took it seriously. 

So I talked to the recruiter and I tried all of their written tests. He wasn't impressed with my results but when he put me through physical tests to test my accuracy with weapons and nack for stealth, he was blown away. He also hinted that my personality test indicated I was a natural leader and that the Alliance could do with some more officers in their ranks. I told him I wasn't very interested in leading, I just wanted to learn some new skills and have some sense of purpose in my life. He said that was a good attitude and recommended me to the nearest unit for basic training. 

I broke the news to my gang and they agreed with my decision. They were sad to see me go but happy that I had found a better path. I asked them to follow in my footsteps but none of them felt very confident in their own abilities. Later I checked up on them and found that the group had fallen apart without me there holding them together. I was a little sad but at that point I had more important matters to focus on. Like my future. 

And the rest is, as they say, is history." 

She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she spoke but part of her was worried. How was anyone supposed to react to such a story? She didn't regret sharing it but she also couldn't figure out why she had felt comfortable enough to tell it in the first place. Nobody knew her first name, nobody knew what had happened to her before she joined the Alliance. Not even the Alliance itself knew the details and Cerberus probably hadn't known either. The version of the story she had told was just short and vague but it felt like like she had just delivered a long epic. 

Before Garrus spoke, he poured her another drink and handed it to her, "That's... not at all what I was expecting." 

"What were you expecting to hear?" 

"I don't know, honestly. I figured maybe you had grown up in a military family, like I did. I couldn't have guessed.." 

"Family isn't something I really understand," she said as she looked down at the sparkling liquid in her glass for some sort of inspiration. 

He watched her drink the glassful in one long sip. She looked away from him, was she ashamed of her past? Admittedly it couldn't have been easy to share it, he had worked for C-Sec for so many years and had heard plenty of stories about children gangs getting into trouble in the Wards. It had never been his area of expertise but the stories nearly always had tragic endings and very few of the children ever reached adulthood. Even fewer ended up leading normal lives. 

Shepard had been with the Alliance for nearly 13 years and had risen through the ranks fast. What had really motivated her to enlist? Was she trying to make up for something in the past or simply trying to start over? He could tell he wasn't seeing the whole picture, but he wasn't going to force her to share more than she was ready to. At least he could better understand her reluctance to engage in close relationships. Trust issues were never easy to deal with. 

"I'm sorry, Shepard. Nobody should be forced to live like that," he said gently. 

"Don't pity me," she snapped. She sighed and in a more resigned voice said, "You don't have to call me Shepard, my first name is Leo. It comes with a lot of baggage but... it's who I am. I can't run away from that." 

"It might take me awhile to get used to using it, Shepa-, I mean Leo," he tested out the new name. She looked at him then and he could see tears beginning to form in her eyes. He refilled her glass and she happily accepted it. 

"I don't mind. You're the only person allowed to use it. I think... I think I feel safe here. It's strange isn't it? I used to live on the streets, just another worthless criminal plying my trade. And you are, or were, a C-Sec agent. You would have cleaned the streets of people like me." 

"That's not the person you are now," he tried to remind her. "You're the most compassionate and caring person I've ever met. The past doesn't matter, you've saved the galaxy twice now. You've more than made amends." 

"Maybe," she said simply. She finished the next glass of wine and placed it on the table in front of her. The tears began to fall down her cheeks without a sound. She wasn't sad or upset, rather she was blissfully relieved that she could finally be herself without fear of persecution. She tried to wipe the tears away with the back of her hand, "I never used to cry, not since Akuze. But lately...when I'm around you, it just all comes pouring out." 

"I must have one of those faces that makes angels weep... is that the right usage of that expression?" 

She laughed and curled up against him then, "I'm no angel, Garrus." 

"On the contrary," he wrapped one arm securely around her and held her close. With his free hand, he poured the remaining contents of the wine bottle into her glass. 

"So that's my story," she said with finality. "What's yours?" 

"Oh, mine's not nearly as interesting but if you want to hear it..." 

"I'd love to hear it." 

"Well, alright then." 

They spent the remainder of the evening and the wee hours of the morning talking about everything they could think of. The next day, Shepard had a pronounced upbeatness to her step and Doctor Chakwas didn't bother her at all. 


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, Shepard had the uncanny sensation that she was forgetting to do something. It wasn't until she returned to her cabin to suit-up before venturing back down to Omega to pick-up the remaining supplies to fix the drive core that she realised what it was. Her computer terminal was still indicating that she had at least one unread message. She had already delayed reading it for a full shift and it could be hours before she returned to the Normandy after the mission. If the message turned out to be important, she would already be running late in addressing it. 

Reluctantly, she checked the console and saw that she had two messages from a source she didn't recognise. The first was a simple text message but the second was an audio recording. The audio recording had a flag beside the message that marked it as "urgent". 

"Play audio message," she said clearly for the computer to recognise. Listening to the audio message first would free her up to pull on her N7 suit at the same time. She was more curious about the message with the urgency priority than the text from the same sender anyway. She had just removed the outermost layers of her Cerberus uniform and was pulling on a pair of underarmour leggings when she heard Anderson's familiar voice on the playback. Immediately, she stopped what she was doing and told the computer to restart the message again so that she could give it her undivided attention. 

"Shepard, I'm concerned you didn't reply to my first message. Did it not go through? Maybe it was intercepted? I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid here. There's a lot of that going around lately. 

We need to talk. Soon. I'm not sure how long this new account will remain undetected. But I got your letter and I'd like to hear more details. If you don't respond to this in the next day or so I'll assume this is an insecure line and terminate it. 

I'll be away from the Citadel for the next few days, it's our best chance to communicate without any extra, unwanted attention. Send me a message back as soon as you get this. I can give you temporary high-priority access to the extranet so we can talk in real-time. 

Don't worry about what time of day it is when you reply. I'm old but not _that_ old. Just get back to me as soon as possible. Please." 

Shepard quickly read over the text message that had come before to make sure she hadn't missed anything but the message had been almost the same as the audio. Dutifully, she sent a response in text form to Anderson. He was still her superior officer now that he was a Councillor and she a Spectre but even if he wasn't, she still would have followed his orders and recommendations as a friend and a fellow soldier. Anderson had always been the closest thing she had to a father figure in her life, he was always strict but fair. It bothered her that he sounded so worried in the recording. 

Almost immediately after sending her message she was receiving a response, he must have given her that high-priority clearance just as he promised he would. She frowned slightly at the incoming message, the indicator showed that it was a video transmission. Quickly she ran her fingers through her mane of unkempt hair and checked that she was adequately dressed. Wearing a black singlet and the leggings was about the best she could do on such short notice. Ideally she would have been in uniform while addressing her superior but that would have taken time to put on and she didn't want to lose their window of opportunity to talk. Anderson probably wouldn't give her a hard time about her appearance anyway. 

"Begin transmission," she said to the computer after she had set herself up as far back from the screen as it would allow. The position would potentially minimise her disorderly appearance a bit. 

"Commander Shepard," Anderson greeted her. He had a similar dishevelled appearance as if he had just been woken up and hadn't had a chance to throw on proper clothes. It was odd to see him wearing civilian clothing, Shepard was so used to his Alliance uniform. 

"Captain Anderson," she said out of habit, though he technically no longer held that rank. Regardless, she gave him a short salute and he returned the gesture. 

"It's Councillor now," he reminded her needlessly with a half-smile, "It sure is good to you again." 

"You too, sir. It's been too long since I've seen a friendly face from Citadel space." 

"You look like you're gearing up for a mission. Off to fight more bad guys and save the galaxy again?" 

"You know me. It's an _especially_ dangerous mission this time. I'm playing the role of a postal worker, retrieving and delivering some packages. Intense stuff," she said in a dramatic fashion. 

He laughed, "Everything is an adventure with you, Shepard." In a more serious tone he continued on, "I'm glad we could catch up though. I am on my way to Arcturus Station right now, they want me to deliver some sort of speech. I hate giving speeches but it was a good chance to be alone with my personal shuttle for a few days so didn't want to pass it up."

It was Shepard's turn to laugh this time, "You always gave good speeches, sir. Full of passion and determination. But I don't envy you. Public speaking is its own sort of torture."

"No doubt about it," he agreed before shifting to the business at hand, "I was beginning to worry you hadn't gotten my message or were choosing to ignore it. I know you _said _you were no longer working with Cerberus but that's exactly the sort of thing they would try to make me believe." 

"Sorry, sir. I was, uh, previously engaged when the your message arrived. And with the low-priority we get on the comm network plus the time difference..." she trailed off, feeling guilty about offering such weak excuses but didn't know what else to say. 

"You don't have to justify yourself to me, Shepard. I'm just glad they went through. We can keep using this connection until Cerberus or C-Sec catch onto it. Hell, maybe it's the Shadow-Broker bugging my office lately. Or it could just be Udina messing with me." 

"I doubt it's the Shadow-Broker," Shepard assured him but realised after she said it that it wasn't a good idea to reveal who the new Shadow-Broker was. She knew she could trust Anderson, but if he thought he was under some sort of surveillance, such a revelation could indirectly compromise Liara's identity. "So what's going on? What's with all the secrecy?" 

"Things are tense on the Citadel lately. Everyone is spying on everyone else. I'm convinced Cerberus has a hand in it all. They _want _everyone to distrust one another. There's nothing quite as convenient as political chaos to hide underneath, especially if you're trying to promote some sort of agenda. 

And Cerberus is getting _exactly_ what they want...the new Terra Firma leader is extremely popular and their faction is attracting new followers every day. But it's not just the pro-human groups that are gaining in influence lately. There are pro-alien groups as well, every species has at least one now. They're all convinced that humans want to take over the Council and dominate the galaxy or something like that. Terra Firms is convinced the aliens are just holding humanity back from some sort of manifest destiny. 

The Council hasn't done much the resolve the tension, they're too worried that whatever decision they make or action they take will instigate some kind of war. It's not like they can reach a consensus anyway. We've been having fewer meetings recently, they don't entirely trust me at the moment. But I think it's worse than that, they don't even trust each other right now." 

"The joys of politics," Shepard sighed. "I guess it's my fault you're involved in this mess at all." 

"Better me than Udina. I don't even want to think about what sort of schemes he is plotting right now. I try to keep him close, to keep an eye on him but...he's probably doing the same thing to me." 

"Is there anything I can do to help out?" 

"Yeah. Stay as far away from Citadel space as you can until things calm down." 

"I'm really getting tired of the Terminus system, sir." 

"I know, just hang tight for awhile. I'll try to sort this out. Everything is volatile over here, every negotiation has ulterior motives. There were even rumours that the Alliance was trying to gain a warrant for your arrest at one point. Would have been stupid of them to try it since you're still a Spectre." 

"You're kidding me, right? What were they hoping to charge me with?" 

"Who knows. Terrorism? Desertion? Conspiring? They were really nervous about your connection to Cerberus. Whatever it was, the rumours eventually went away. 

I tried to talk to Admiral Hackett about it but he just ignores most of my messages. I don't think it's anything personal, maybe he just doesn't trust politicians or he suspect there's a mole watching his messages." 

"That's a possibility. He only gave me a brief response when I messaged him not too long ago." 

"Anyway, that sort of reminds me...The Council lost one of their Spectres on Illium recently. A well-decorated agent, asari...can't remember her name." 

"Tela Vasir?" 

"Yes, that's it. How did...oh. Well, they suspected she was killed by another Spectre. The video footage they have of the fight wasn't very good but...please tell me you weren't involved, Shepard." 

"She deserved it," Shepard said with conviction. "She had gone rogue, was working for the Shadow-Broker. She killed several civilians and tried to murder Liara T'Soni. I had to step in." 

"The Shadow-Broker is a necessary evil and Spectres regularly kill civilians if they get in the way of their mission." 

"I don't." 

"I know, and I'm grateful for that. Had all this happened in Terminus space it wouldn't be a problem. Unfortunately, Illium falls under Citadel regulations. 

The Council is already nervous enough. Your ties to Cerberus put everyone on edge. And now you've killed another Spectre. It won't be long before they consider _you_ a rogue." 

"Let them think that. I'll happily kill all of their corrupt agents. My mission is more important than impressing the Council." 

"Your mission to stop the Reapers? I'm guessing whatever data you have on the Collectors hasn't gotten you any closer to stopping the bigger threat then." 

"We have a bit more information now than we did before but I don't think we've put an end to the Reapers' invasion plans. We've only managed to slow them down, again." 

"What kind of new information do you have? Enough conclusive data could really help in uniting the Council again. If we can make them believe that the Reapers are real...it would solve a lot of problems at once." 

"What sort of problems?" 

"As I said, the council is divided right now. Part of that is mistrust due to Cerberus' propaganda, but another part of it is because the people the Council serves don't believe them. 

It's been two years since the Battle of the Citadel and the average civilian is no longer convinced by the Council's theory about Saren leading an army of geth. It doesn't make much sense, there were never enough facts to back the story up. Geth activity outside of the Perseus Veil has been nonexistent, there should have been more resistance. 

And Sovereign...nobody knows what Sovereign was but none of them believe it was a geth ship. It was too big, too alien. Way too powerful to be of geth creation. 

After the battle, there were lots of quiet, behind-the-scenes deals made by the Council and somehow the media figured out they were hiding something. Everyone suspects the Council is trying to cover its tracks about something. When you showed up again, back from the dead, there were all sorts of rumours that the Council had tried to set you up as some sort of scapegoat. People even figured out about your reinstatement as a Spectre, despite the Council's efforts to hide it. 

They don't know exactly what's going on, they don't know about the Reapers, but they're not stupid. They _know_ the Council is lying to them. With the right kind evidence, you could convince the Council and the entire galaxy of what's really going on. It could potentially bring everyone together and get rid of all this petty paranoia. 

We're going to need to unite everyone to stop the Reapers at some point." 

"I know. The truth is powerful but...I can't _make _people believe it. Even if I could, you've just told me that both the Alliance and the Council no longer trust me and are trying to lock me up. Sorry, but somehow staying in Terminus space doesn't seem so bad any more." 

"I'm working on it, don't give up yet. We just need to keep our eyes open and make sure whatever data we find is convincing enough." 

"The Normandy is already actively looking for new intel," she pointed out. She tried to shift the conversation back to the matters she had written about in her original message, "Have you passed on my warning about the Collector ships?" 

"Yes, I have. Just how big are these ships and why do you need such advanced technology to take them out?" 

"They're_ massive_, several kilometres in length. You could probably fit 20 Destiny Ascensions on one Collector vessel. That's why they were able to capture so many colonists at a time. I don't know how many vessels there are in total, I'm hoping we destroyed the vast majority of them." 

"That's impressive. So what about those canons you've got? Is it possible we can outfit some of our ships with them? Calling on the Normandy to clean up every time we find one of these ships isn't the most ideal solution." 

"The Thanix canons are a functioning turian-prototype, the only working prototype of their type in existence. They're based off of some tech that was salvaged from Sovereign. Very powerful guns, it only takes one or two bursts to bring down an entire Collector ship. It feels good to use the Reapers' technology against them, that's for sure. I doubt they can be fitted to just any sort of ship though." 

"Found any other useful tech?" 

"We have an AI onboard named EDI that's also based on Sovereign technology. And there's that Reaper IFF we recovered that gave us access to the Omega-4 relay. 

Apparently, Cerberus has unhealthy obsession with obtaining and using Reaper technology. They will risk everything to get their hands on it, consequences be damned. Sometimes I'm not convinced they're trying to stop the Reapers at all." 

"Wait, you said the Omega-4 relay? What was on the other side of it?" 

"A Collector base, which we destroyed. They were using it to build something terrible. A human-Reaper hybrid of some kind. That's why they were after the colonists, they were literally liquefying human remains like they were some sort of resource to be used. Like they were animals. I destroyed everything, including their abomination. 

That's when I had had enough of Cerberus. The Illusive Man was practically begging me to preserve the base and all of its technology so Cerberus could use it for their twisted experiments. He didn't care about the colonists that had died there. And he knew much more about the Collectors than he was letting on. 

It felt like every step of the mission had been manipulated by him. He always knew way too much. The guy gave me chills. I'm sure he's pissed that he's lost me and the Normandy." 

"Definitely sounds like Cerberus, alright. I'm relieved that you've ended your alliance with them." 

"It was an alliance of convenience. The Council wasn't going to help me, nor was the System Alliance. But now it doesn't matter. I'll find a new way to do things." 

"What about your crew? Aren't they all working for Cerberus?" 

"They were but I think they trust me. The Collectors kidnapped my crew when my squad and I were away on a mission. If The Illusive Man had been running things, he would have willingly sacrificed them without a second thought. But that's not how I treat my crew, I rescued them from that Collector base. My crew is indebted to me. If that's not enough to ensure their loyalty...I'm also planning on giving each of them a choice about whether they want to remain on the Normandy. They'll have the option to leave without any questions asked but I suspect most of them will stay." 

"You're a good leader, Shepard. I'm sure you won't have much to worry about." 

"Thank you, sir." 

"I should probably let you go, for now. Keep an eye out for the Reapers and anything relating to them. Eventually we will go to the Council with all of your evidence. I'll keep you up-to-date on the situation on my side of space if you agree to do the same." 

"Count on it, sir." 

"Good. Take care of yourself, Commander. Watch your back." 

The transmission ended then. Shepard stared at the console's empty display for a few seconds while she digested the new information. None of the news from the Citadel was surprising, Anderson had only confirmed most of her suspicions. She knew the Council wasn't going to trust her for long but there wasn't much she could do about that. The stance taken by the Alliance should have left her feeling angry or betrayed but she had expected it after her encounter with Kaidan on Horizon. Nothing had really changed, she still had few allies and too many enemies. She wasn't entirely convinced that Anderson could change the views of the Council but she could take solace in knowing that he was still on her side. 

The Spectre returned herself to the task of gearing up for the shuttle ride to Omega. Afterwards, she was met by a rather bored-looking Miranda when she approached the shuttle. Thankfully the other human didn't scold her for running late. She didn't even ask what had kept Shepard off-schedule. The commander situated herself at the flight controls in the cockpit and went about preparing for the short journey and Miranda did the same in the chair beside. The two women kept their silence until the shuttle was off the Normandy. 

The trip itself was rather uneventful, as was the overseeing of the parts being loaded onto the shuttle afterwards. But it had given Shepard a chance to be alone with Miranda. She hadn't yet given the Normandy crew the choice she had mentioned to Anderson and she wasn't sure how Miranda was going to react when she did. Additionally, she had been mulling over a few other changes to the Normandy's command structure and wanted to get a feel for Miranda's thoughts and opinions.

Miranda was characteristically stand-offish at first but once Shepard got her talking she opened up a little. The former Cerberus agent was feeling guilty for some of her actions and decisions in the past but she didn't regret any of them. She still believed The Illusive Man was doing what he thought was best for humanity. Despite those feelings, however, she saw in Shepard a better way to achieve those same goals. She even admitted that she considered Shepard to be her only friend on the Normandy, to which Shepard was surprised, having expected Miranda to be closer with Jacob Taylor than to her. 

But Jacob had never been really supportive of Cerberus' ambitions and there had been some sort of history between him and Miranda before that neither of them had entirely moved past. When the commander tried to pry further on the subject matter, Miranda shut her down quickly and tried to turn the subject around by asking Shepard who she was close to. Shepard dodged the question by reminding her subordinate that her numerous duties kept her busy enough and there was no time for close relationships in her life. Miranda didn't seem satisfied by her answer and remained quiet for the rest of the trip back to the Normandy. 

Shepard enjoyed getting to know her fellow crew members when she could, even if it meant stepping outside her comfort level from time to time. She would need to rely on these people in tough situations, as the mission through the Omega-4 relay had shown, and it helped for them to know a little bit about her as well. Trust and loyalty was a two-way street. It had already taken a considerable amount of time and effort to build up those relationships to where they currently stood but she knew she couldn't rest on her laurels either. With so few allies, Shepard couldn't afford not to invest heavily in the lives around her.


End file.
